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The Curious Case of TINDER Girls

The Curious Case of Tinder Girls…

Boy swipes right…Girl swipes right…It’s a MATCH!!!

Tinder boy: hey! H r u

Tinder girl: hiiiieeeee…I am good…u tell

Tinder boy: what are u looking for…here…

Tinder girl: nothing much…just friends…

Friends…Friends…Friends…

The boy would be friend-zoned here as well!!

Are you single?

Are you fed up of your single status?

Do you want to date someone?

Are you on tinder?

Have you ever tried any online dating apps?

Have you never ever found anyone online?

Then this one is for you.

For everyone’s benefit I would just define what tinder is; it is an online dating app where you can like or dislike someone just by looking at their pictures and a small bio. If that person also likes you…then you become a match…and you can proceed to chat with each other and in that process hopefully get to know and fall in love with each other.

I won’t lie and shy away…but I did try the app myself. Unfortunately I lucked out in finding anyone who can find my pic likeable enough to swipe right on me 😀 but I was fortunate enough to come across a number of profiles after every 12 hours and here are the types of girls the joker saw there.

Emma Stone is on Tinder! (Stop using a celebrity pic)

The Celebrity DP

I really request to all the girls out there who really want to try out tinder (or for that matter any app) for dating please upload your real pictures. That would help. I mean that would seriously help. We definitely know that Emma Stones and Alia Bhatts of the world won’t be using Tinder to date or find love. Lets assume even if they are, do you think that we don’t know how we look that we will fall in your trap? 😀 So stop using a celebrity pic. Just remember you are beautiful in your own way and the right person will like you the way you are. Anyway…there are many (guys) who swipe right (Like) on all the profiles.

The less the merrier (DP with four other girls)

Talking about display pictures, there is a certain section that, I don’t know why, uploads DPs with more than one girl in them. I mean I know that I would love to date more than one girl, but again it will be of great help to know which one is actually you…to whom the profile belongs out of that selfie, which contains four beautiful damsels. No offence…but I would whole-heartedly try to convey to them that even if you feel that you aren’t that attractive…you don’t have to hide behind a group. Just be you.

The Quotation DP

The landscape or the quote girl

Then there is this third kind who will end up putting quotation or landscape pic or no pic as their DPs. I totally believe that, I wouldn’t want to date a landscape or a quotation…I guess you can understand that this sentence even doesn’t make any sense. You simply miss the logic of the dating app, which is based on the likeability (read hotness) of someone’s face/body and how can someone be interested in you when you don’t even put a picture, which even showcases a face. Please…you need to understand that we guys have a limited quota of free likes and in the rush of liking everyone…we don’t want to like a landscape.

It’s a simple bio not an essay

These apps definitely give you a chance to redeem yourself, if you aren’t able to attract someone just on your face value. There is a small bio (about me) section where you can write things about yourself…your likes and dislikes…hobbies and other related stuff. Some girls just take this section too seriously. They will end up putting a 300 words essay as if to compensate on what they didn’t achieve during their boards exam. Do you seriously think that boys really read that much…did I say that much…actually boys hardly care what you have written in your bio…especially if it is this long. The ironical part of these long bios is that most of them usually have a last line saying I don’t want to write much here. The guy is almost dead by then.

Everybody is a traveller

Choose one

I am of a kind…who usually goes through the bios. I believe the most overused term these days, which you might end up reading in almost every bio, is that they are ‘travellers’ (for this one I am including the boys as well). Firstly it is already a misunderstood term but that’s not important here. The laughable part comes when you actually chat with them and you come to know that they might not have travelled ever in a train/plane or worse…they would have not even left their city ever and still they have the audacity to call themselves travellers. I wonder how can someone highlight transporting in metros and local buses as travelling.

The Sapiosexual kind

One incredible advantage of skimming through these bios is that your vocabulary is definitely going to improve. You will come across all kinds of jazzy fancy intellectual words. One such word, which actually stands out is ‘Sapiosexual’. Off late I have seen this word being used a lot in bios, which literally makes me laugh. For people who don’t know, sapiosexual means one who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. Ma’am you really think you are sapiosexual then stop swiping right for it virtually and go seek the truth in reality. I guess when you write a word like Sapiosexual in your bio on an app which focuses on face value…I don’t know whether you find intelligence or not but it definitely speaks a lot about your intelligence quotient.

Just looking for friends (P.S. I am not looking for dating/hookup)

One interesting line you are going to see in about 70-80% of the bios is that they are just looking for friendship. And on top of that they will explicitly mention that they aren’t looking for dating/hookup. I literally fail to understand that, then why ma’am why…why the hell are you on a dating app on the first place. I hope there are enough friends already in your life and even if they aren’t…tinder isn’t a place to find one. Just for one moment think about that poor guy…who is serial victim of being friend-zoned by every girl he know out there in the physical world. The only resort left for him is to try these dating apps and you are not going to spare him there also. I don’t know about you but he definitely didn’t sign up on tinder to be friend-zoned there as well. Right!!

What to make of profile like these

Entertainment or promotion or simply validation

A study says about 20% of the girls on tinder aren’t there for dating and about the same amount are there just for entertainment. These kinds of girls are there for the simple purpose of entertainment. I have come across many of my friends as well who end up saying that they are on tinder just for fun (not that kind of fun 😉 ). They used it because they were getting bored and instead of doing anything else they like swiping on tinder. Some of them are there just for the sake of validation of their current hotness…whether people are still finding them likeable and how many people have swiped right on their pics. Then there is this lot…that likes to promote them. In their bios you will find their instagram ids, their snapchat ids and all the possible social media ids on which they have a profile. Poor guys!!!

The ones who want their business to flourish (pro-fess-titutes)

Sometimes I feel that on Tinder there are more of those kinds, who want to make a quick buck rather than actually looking for dating or friendship, especially in metropolitans or in international locations. The moment you have their profile on your screen you know for what purpose it is there. Some awesomely hot pic with negligible clothing with their prices in their bios. I let you know one comical thing how these workingwomen…put out their contact numbers. They will never write like 9876 it will be mostly like nine eight seven so that their profiles are not caught in algorithms preventing such profiles.

The guy angle

Then there is this epidemic problem where the guys will have their profiles in the girls section. I wonder how difficult it is to select the correct gender out of just two options. And how can you expect other guys to swipe right on your profile unless they themselves are seeking the same gender. There will be some who will pose as girls themselves. These guys don’t know that we already have this instinct that the moment a profile matches to our profile 99% of the time we assume it to be a fake profile. I mean we see ourselves daily…how can somebody swipe right on us. If somebody swipes right we would go to any extent to find out the genuineness of that profile. Plus I don’t understand those guys who pose…because if we match…what do they get out of a romantic conversation with other guy assuming that the other might be straight. 😀

I know I know I have used a lot of stereotypes in this one. But all you feminists out there before you just decide that this guy shouldn’t have a right to live…or simply want to pick up your gun and shoot me…this was all in good fun.

For everyone else I would say if you are using an online medium to find date or love. Just be you. Say things and behave in the manner you would have in a real physical world. Smile please and happy dating.

For all those who are on tinder,

For all those who date online,

For all those who date in the physical world,

For all those who are too shy to go out there,

For all those who are seeking it online,

And

For all those who have found love online…

It’s not a GOODBYE,

But its a GOOD BYE…aur han…Keep swiping…you never know what you find out there.

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

 

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10

The ALIEN BRIDGE

The ALIEN BRIDGE…

It was a very humid night. The sleep eluded me because of the muggy and sticky weather. The summer power cut made merry while it was irritating for me. I was getting twitchy and restless to the extent that I decided to take a bit of stroll round the terrace. The sky was getting murkier and murkier…the rain clouds gave a crimson touch to it. I felt that even the wind became more and more uneasy. I thought to go inside before the rain actually gets me all drenched up. I came back to my bed…gave another shot at sleep…but the pillow was becoming damp coz of the sweat and at the same time it was becoming difficult for me to get a drier part of pillow. I was very tired because of the research work that I was undertaking and the amount of overtime that I was dedicating in the recent past…hence I finally gave in and didn’t realize when I actually fell asleep.

The window just next to the bed started banging against the frame and the window glass was making a shattering noise. I hurriedly got up to close it…but was shocked of what I saw outside. Neither it was raining nor the wind was fast (Sarcasm)… it was actually a S-T-O-R-M. Though it was very dark, I was able to make out metal sheets from roofs of houses blowing away with the wind…the trees were terribly rattled and the squall even caused a few of them to kiss the ground. It was a terrible sight as if something was about to happen. I closed the window and had a glass of water.

A fluorescent blue light was blinking at the right top corner of my so called smartphone…it suggested an unattended message or call. I picked it up, to check who it was. It was an unread message from ‘the Big Bang’ on my ‘WeChat’ messenger which I recently downloaded from the app market. Annoyed…I tried to find out who it was. Contrary to what the weather was implying, it was actually ‘Mr. Stephen Hawking’. I was way too happy to be called sane at that moment…was excited beyond imagination. The message said, “I have gone through your research work and would like to share some things with you…which might actually help you in the book that you are coming up with”. He continued, “The big bang is my signature and please use this only while you are making any conversation with me and it will better for you if you use something like this”. I replied, “sir from this point onwards I’ll be using ‘The Joker’ as my signature”. He simply replied, “ 😀 😀 :D”.

He immediately got busy and straightway went to the business. (Now onwards I’ll write the conversation as it happened on the WeChat messenger).

The big bang: I have a new device which uses a certain kind of technology which the world is yet to see or hear. With the use of this we can talk to people from past and they can talk to us in return and we will use this WeChat messenger as an interface to hear what they have to say. Today is the perfect weather for us to use the application.

The Joker: (Wiping off the sweat off my forehead) Awesome!!! Great application sir, but why would you tell me about this technology and help me with my research?

The Big Bang: I have seen your work and whatever you are doing with ‘Adam’s Bridge’, I actually want to know the truth. I am really impressed with your work as it gives an ‘Alien Edge’ to the whole thing and I don’t think so that anyone has ever thought on these lines. One more thing, stop calling me Sir.

Ref: en.m.wikipedia.org

The Joker: (Trying to control the excitement) Thank You Sirrrr…..sorry sorry…Big Bang.

The Big Bang: I guess the best person with whom we can begin this conversation – in fact without whom my technology wouldn’t have been possible – is the person who was responsible for the ‘theory of relativity’.

The Joker: No need to even mention his name…what’s his signature?

The Big Bang: ‘E=MC^2’…what else…

The Joker: Ohhhh Yeahh!!! My mistake.

The Big Bang: I have sent him a request…let’s wait for him to reply. Joker…you won’t believe when I’ll tell you that I have already conversed with him many times before…the only problem is the weather…we need a storm every time we need to connect.

E=MC^2: Hi Big Bang…what’s up?? Who is this Joker guy who is a part of this conversation? Have you revealed our secret?

The Big Bang: I am perfectly fine E=MC^2…just counting down my final days. This joker guy is doing a research and you will be glad to hear the direction and the focus that he has given to his research. He wants us to help him and I can get some of our friends from the past to help also. Please don’t worry…our secret is totally safe with him…and we actually need someone to carry our baton in the future.

E=MC^2: (To The Big bang) Okay then…if you say so…Hi Joker…how may I be of help to you?

The Joker: (Astonished) Hi… E=MC^2…I cannot express what and how I feel at this moment. I can’t even believe it’s actually real.

E=MC^2: Big Bang…see this is what happens when you bring a new guy to our conversation.

The Joker: I apologize to both of you…I am not doubting anyone here…since I, the joker, has never felt anything like this…that might be one of the reasons.

E=MC^2: Leave it buddy…quickly tell me what you want to discuss before the weather changes and we are disconnected?

The Joker: E=MC^2…I am doing a research on ‘The Adam’s Bridge’ which according to the Hindu mythology is called the Rama’s Bridge or ‘Ram Setu’. During my research I have come across some astounding facts which makes me believe that the way it was built and the technology that was used to build it…didn’t exist then…and to me it occurs as if it got a bit of extraterrestrial help. Since the only person alive who can really help me with this is Big Bang and I really persuaded him hard before he actually showed up today on my messenger.
E=MC^2: I understand what your query is…but I can only help to a certain extent. I guess we need some more people from the past who can really help us out here…and I would like to contact them…what’s say big bang???

The Big Bang: Absolutely E=MC^2…you have all the controls…take it over from here…

E=MC^2: Big bang I think the person who was really a genius according to me and whatever he thought…whatever he suggested…whatever he said…was always ahead of his times…I think he can throw some more light on this extraterrestrial aspect.

The Big Bang: I don’t clearly get it E=MC^2…whom are you talking about?

E=MC^2: Ohhh!! Big Bang…you should have guessed it…Joker…do you have any clues about whom I am talking about???

The Joker: E=MC^2…I have totally lost it…my mind along with my body has totally gone numb…it is actually too much for me…a mere mortal…to handle all this in a single night…you please go ahead and reveal his identity.

E=MC^2: You Dumbos…I was actually talking about the man…the genius…the superhuman…whose signature is ‘The Mona Lisa’. I have already sent him a request to join…he should be replying soon.

After a few minutes…

The Mona Lisa: Hi!!…Everyone…Hope you have not forgotten me…so tell me what is, that requires this common man?

E=MC^2: Common man…hahaha…nice way to introduce yourself…or were you trying to make fun of me and Big bang…because the third one is already a Clown.

The Mona Lisa: E=MC^2…nothing like that…I was just trying to sound modest…I apologize if that sounded offensive…please go ahead with your enquiry…

The Joker: (I interrupted them…I felt this was unnecessary and might take this conversation on another tangent) The Mona Lisa…I wanted to know that, “did you ever encounter any extraterrestrial happening in your life??”… I have closely read about your life…I have gone through it again and again…but there are specifically two years …of which there is no record mentioned anywhere…not even in your own books…I have heard that you went in a cave and didn’t come out of it for those two years. Is it true…because I have a very imperative question regarding the same???

The Mona Lisa: Who are you by the way…and why shall I tell you anything about my life…about which there is nothing known to the outside world leave alone aliens…if possible please come to the direct question that you have in mind and I’ll see to it whether I can of any help or not.

The Joker: Sir, I have a very simple query, it is regarding the ‘The Adam’s Bridge’. I just want to know that whether you have any information regarding the bridge and can you corroborate on whether there was actually some alien help involved?

The Mona Lisa: Son you are trying to fetch too much here…don’t you think so…if I answer this…whether in affirmative or not…I’ll put myself in a kind of spot which I have avoided during my lifetime and will try today also. But I am not totally going to disappoint you. I can get you to the two most important people with whom you can directly put these questions and let’s see whether they themselves help you or not…please give me a moment…

Everything and everyone became quiet…no one said anything and suddenly they appeared…

Unknown: Hi all…since Mona Lisa forced us we are here…we actually don’t need any introduction but for the sake of this messenger and to let everyone know…one of us here has a signature ‘The Lord’ and my signature is, ‘The Ten Heads’. Hope you all would have recognized us with this info only.

The Mona Lisa: Good Evening…The Ten Heads…I hope you will first answer me before answering this lad here…I want to know…that I made a blueprint of an airplane some four hundred years before something like it actually took flight…but there is clear description in the ancient writings found in your country that you had something like it, which was very much capable of taking an aerial route.

E=MC^2: (To The Ten Heads) Sir before you answer that…I have myself read a lot about you and know for sure that you were the most intelligent of all the living beings that ever walked this planet and want you to bless me please…

The Ten Heads: Can you people keep this a bit professional…I have my own question to ask to The Lord…How is ‘Seeta’ buddy??? Hahahahaha

The Lord: (Angrily) Will you ever change…The Ten heads…you know it for sure that this was a below the belt kind of blow…I think the thrashing that I gave you was not good enough for you…

I knew that this was getting out of hand and I had to intervene before it is actually too late and I might never get a second opportunity at this…

The Joker: Could you all please shut up and focus to my problem and the question I actually put up in the beginning…

Everyone was silent for a moment…

The Lord: Yeah!! son…go ahead…shoot your query…

The Joker: Hey!! Lord…Please answer, whether you answer it in yes or no, but please do answer…‘The Ram Setu’…or the bridge that you built…was it actually built by you or did you actually receive some alien help…please answer it…my whole life’s work is based on it…

The Lord: Do you really want me to answer that…because there is thousand years of history that is on stake here…there are belief of billions which will shatter and I am sorry to say my friend…but then the whole concept of God will be fake and no one will believe in us…no one…

The Joker: Sir please go ahead…please…and answer it….

The Lord: OK then…here it is…What do you think who we are…how we got those special powers…how we were able to do stuff which nobody else could…and the real answer is…

Ref: yousigma.com

Ref: yousigma.com

And just as he was about to answer it the Storm stopped…the sky got cleared and I got disconnected to everyone without even getting to know the correct answer. Whatever the correct answer may be…I’ll never come to know the truth…and neither will anyone else…
My research which was already very complex…critical…and Confusing became more so in all the three aspects.

Note: All the names and character that I have used in this particular blog are just for the fictional purpose of writing this blog. I do not intend to hurt any individuals or community’s feelings or sentiments.

Here is a link to WeChat’s youtube channel WeChat Youtube Channel

For all those who believe in Aliens,

For all those who don’t believe in them,

For all those who use WeChat,

For all those who love all the characters used,

And

For all those who believe that the Aliens exist…

It’s not a GoodBye…

But it’s a GOOD BYE

Manas ‘SAMEER’ Mukul

WeChat

WeChat

This post is part of the WeChat with Anyone Anywhere Contest in association with Indiblogger.