2

The Curious Case of TINDER Girls

The Curious Case of Tinder Girls…

Boy swipes right…Girl swipes right…It’s a MATCH!!!

Tinder boy: hey! H r u

Tinder girl: hiiiieeeee…I am good…u tell

Tinder boy: what are u looking for…here…

Tinder girl: nothing much…just friends…

Friends…Friends…Friends…

The boy would be friend-zoned here as well!!

Are you single?

Are you fed up of your single status?

Do you want to date someone?

Are you on tinder?

Have you ever tried any online dating apps?

Have you never ever found anyone online?

Then this one is for you.

For everyone’s benefit I would just define what tinder is; it is an online dating app where you can like or dislike someone just by looking at their pictures and a small bio. If that person also likes you…then you become a match…and you can proceed to chat with each other and in that process hopefully get to know and fall in love with each other.

I won’t lie and shy away…but I did try the app myself. Unfortunately I lucked out in finding anyone who can find my pic likeable enough to swipe right on me 😀 but I was fortunate enough to come across a number of profiles after every 12 hours and here are the types of girls the joker saw there.

Emma Stone is on Tinder! (Stop using a celebrity pic)

The Celebrity DP

I really request to all the girls out there who really want to try out tinder (or for that matter any app) for dating please upload your real pictures. That would help. I mean that would seriously help. We definitely know that Emma Stones and Alia Bhatts of the world won’t be using Tinder to date or find love. Lets assume even if they are, do you think that we don’t know how we look that we will fall in your trap? 😀 So stop using a celebrity pic. Just remember you are beautiful in your own way and the right person will like you the way you are. Anyway…there are many (guys) who swipe right (Like) on all the profiles.

The less the merrier (DP with four other girls)

Talking about display pictures, there is a certain section that, I don’t know why, uploads DPs with more than one girl in them. I mean I know that I would love to date more than one girl, but again it will be of great help to know which one is actually you…to whom the profile belongs out of that selfie, which contains four beautiful damsels. No offence…but I would whole-heartedly try to convey to them that even if you feel that you aren’t that attractive…you don’t have to hide behind a group. Just be you.

The Quotation DP

The landscape or the quote girl

Then there is this third kind who will end up putting quotation or landscape pic or no pic as their DPs. I totally believe that, I wouldn’t want to date a landscape or a quotation…I guess you can understand that this sentence even doesn’t make any sense. You simply miss the logic of the dating app, which is based on the likeability (read hotness) of someone’s face/body and how can someone be interested in you when you don’t even put a picture, which even showcases a face. Please…you need to understand that we guys have a limited quota of free likes and in the rush of liking everyone…we don’t want to like a landscape.

It’s a simple bio not an essay

These apps definitely give you a chance to redeem yourself, if you aren’t able to attract someone just on your face value. There is a small bio (about me) section where you can write things about yourself…your likes and dislikes…hobbies and other related stuff. Some girls just take this section too seriously. They will end up putting a 300 words essay as if to compensate on what they didn’t achieve during their boards exam. Do you seriously think that boys really read that much…did I say that much…actually boys hardly care what you have written in your bio…especially if it is this long. The ironical part of these long bios is that most of them usually have a last line saying I don’t want to write much here. The guy is almost dead by then.

Everybody is a traveller

Choose one

I am of a kind…who usually goes through the bios. I believe the most overused term these days, which you might end up reading in almost every bio, is that they are ‘travellers’ (for this one I am including the boys as well). Firstly it is already a misunderstood term but that’s not important here. The laughable part comes when you actually chat with them and you come to know that they might not have travelled ever in a train/plane or worse…they would have not even left their city ever and still they have the audacity to call themselves travellers. I wonder how can someone highlight transporting in metros and local buses as travelling.

The Sapiosexual kind

One incredible advantage of skimming through these bios is that your vocabulary is definitely going to improve. You will come across all kinds of jazzy fancy intellectual words. One such word, which actually stands out is ‘Sapiosexual’. Off late I have seen this word being used a lot in bios, which literally makes me laugh. For people who don’t know, sapiosexual means one who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. Ma’am you really think you are sapiosexual then stop swiping right for it virtually and go seek the truth in reality. I guess when you write a word like Sapiosexual in your bio on an app which focuses on face value…I don’t know whether you find intelligence or not but it definitely speaks a lot about your intelligence quotient.

Just looking for friends (P.S. I am not looking for dating/hookup)

One interesting line you are going to see in about 70-80% of the bios is that they are just looking for friendship. And on top of that they will explicitly mention that they aren’t looking for dating/hookup. I literally fail to understand that, then why ma’am why…why the hell are you on a dating app on the first place. I hope there are enough friends already in your life and even if they aren’t…tinder isn’t a place to find one. Just for one moment think about that poor guy…who is serial victim of being friend-zoned by every girl he know out there in the physical world. The only resort left for him is to try these dating apps and you are not going to spare him there also. I don’t know about you but he definitely didn’t sign up on tinder to be friend-zoned there as well. Right!!

What to make of profile like these

Entertainment or promotion or simply validation

A study says about 20% of the girls on tinder aren’t there for dating and about the same amount are there just for entertainment. These kinds of girls are there for the simple purpose of entertainment. I have come across many of my friends as well who end up saying that they are on tinder just for fun (not that kind of fun 😉 ). They used it because they were getting bored and instead of doing anything else they like swiping on tinder. Some of them are there just for the sake of validation of their current hotness…whether people are still finding them likeable and how many people have swiped right on their pics. Then there is this lot…that likes to promote them. In their bios you will find their instagram ids, their snapchat ids and all the possible social media ids on which they have a profile. Poor guys!!!

The ones who want their business to flourish (pro-fess-titutes)

Sometimes I feel that on Tinder there are more of those kinds, who want to make a quick buck rather than actually looking for dating or friendship, especially in metropolitans or in international locations. The moment you have their profile on your screen you know for what purpose it is there. Some awesomely hot pic with negligible clothing with their prices in their bios. I let you know one comical thing how these workingwomen…put out their contact numbers. They will never write like 9876 it will be mostly like nine eight seven so that their profiles are not caught in algorithms preventing such profiles.

The guy angle

Then there is this epidemic problem where the guys will have their profiles in the girls section. I wonder how difficult it is to select the correct gender out of just two options. And how can you expect other guys to swipe right on your profile unless they themselves are seeking the same gender. There will be some who will pose as girls themselves. These guys don’t know that we already have this instinct that the moment a profile matches to our profile 99% of the time we assume it to be a fake profile. I mean we see ourselves daily…how can somebody swipe right on us. If somebody swipes right we would go to any extent to find out the genuineness of that profile. Plus I don’t understand those guys who pose…because if we match…what do they get out of a romantic conversation with other guy assuming that the other might be straight. 😀

I know I know I have used a lot of stereotypes in this one. But all you feminists out there before you just decide that this guy shouldn’t have a right to live…or simply want to pick up your gun and shoot me…this was all in good fun.

For everyone else I would say if you are using an online medium to find date or love. Just be you. Say things and behave in the manner you would have in a real physical world. Smile please and happy dating.

For all those who are on tinder,

For all those who date online,

For all those who date in the physical world,

For all those who are too shy to go out there,

For all those who are seeking it online,

And

For all those who have found love online…

It’s not a GOODBYE,

But its a GOOD BYE…aur han…Keep swiping…you never know what you find out there.

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

 

13

The 28 ‘Something’ Bachelor

This Post is among the 12 Best Blog Posts of 2015 in India.

Best Blogposts of 2015


The 28 ‘Something’ Bachelor…

Are you 28 years old or above??
Are you single??
Do you get nervous these days before you login into social media with the fear of somebody posting a status or a pic of their engagement…marriage or even the birth of their child??
Are you avoiding paying a visit to your relatives??
Or are you simply fed up ducking the question of WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?? Then this one is truly for you.

Remember the famous dialogue from the Rani Mukherji starrer movie ‘Hum Tum’ where she ends up confronting, ‘Jab tak ek ladki ki shadi nahi ho jati…logon ko chain kyu nahi padta’ (why doesn’t anyone finds peace till the time a girl gets married) but I personally believe it holds true for everyone. I think life isn’t as easy as everyone thinks for boys even.

The Settle down logic

The moment you are in that age bracket everyone from your mausi (aunt) to your chachi (Another aunt)…from your milkman to even your maid ask or I should say poke you with the same question or to put it nicely with a caring suggestion, “Beta why don’t you get married now?” why don’t you settle down, as if I am a dust particle and the only motto of life is to settle down at a place. Unknown…Unseen…Unheard people appear from all corners of the world with their logic of why one should get married and they try to convince you with all their might. I think if you ask a person who has been married for let’s say about 50 years…I am sure he/she won’t be able to answer the question how can marriage be related to the concept whether a guy is settled or not?

Image ref: suburbanbachelor.wordpress.com

Image ref: suburbanbachelor.wordpress.com

‘Budhape ka sahara’  (Old age policy) 

If you try really…and I mean really hard to explain your side of the logic of why you are not getting married…some of them actually end up agreeing with you but then come up with their own philosophy of, ‘Beta!! We understand that these days marriages are not lasting as long as they used to but don’t think about the present…think a little ahead…think about the future when you will be 45-50 years old.’ ‘Then at that age you will surely need someone to share your morning walks and evening talks.’ But then how can one make these people understand that if anybody wants someone at that age then he/she can find someone of that age…at that age…rather than screwing up your life some twenty odd years before.

‘Responsibility se bhag rahe ho’ (You don’t want to shoulder your responsibilities)

The third most common ‘stirrer’ used by the world against you…or in other words for you to get married is that you are running away from your responsibilities and you don’t want to shoulder them. At times it angers me but most of the time it muses me when someone says this to my face…because the same people forget…what the hell a guy is doing when he tries to fulfill his parent’s dreams of becoming a successful person…how is he running away when he is the one who is already taking care of his parents and closed ones or will be taking care of you in your old age. According to these people the only logic which survives is that ‘if a guy is married…he is responsible otherwise he is just a loafer who is busy dodging bullets of responsibilities.’

‘Shadi ki ek age hoti hai’ (The right age for marriage factor)

Everybody has plans…and he might also have some plans…and marriage might not be on the cards on an immediate basis. Having said that, I know, there is a right age for marriage and if the plunge is not taken at the right time, it will surely have an effect on the ‘Quality’ of offspring but given the current lifestyle and the expenses of settling in a metro requires some planning…some savings and a lot of mental toughness. What if the guy is simply not mentally ready??? In any case these days’ people are deciding to get married at a later age when they feel that they have at least tried to cover all the corners.

‘Kab tak akele rahoge – khana kaun banayega’ (Till when you will stay alone…and for God sake who will cook for you)

I guess the day my mom realized that my dad can’t even put on a gas stove she decided that her son will be able to suffice all his cooking needs. Still the so called caring relatives…the ones whose life is already hell…try to make sure…yours is surely one too. ‘Now that you are already have a good job…a four-wheeler…and you have already booked a flat…why don’t you get married?’ ‘At least when you return from work someone will be there to share your day and more importantly till when will you cook by yourself.’ My logic, if I have to stay…’happily married’…in a big city…both the partners need to work to meet out the expenses and the expectations and in that case a maid needs to prepare the meals for both of us…so if I have to eat maid cooked food after marriage too…why not let me cook my meal…and stay… ‘Happily unmarried’ 😉 .

‘Duniya kya kahegi…jarur ussi me kuch kami hogi…baal bhi kam ho rahe hai’ (The world will think that there is surely something wrong with him only…and more importantly you are losing hair day by day)

If you take too much time to decide on your marriage…the world will think that there is certainly something wrong with you. Some may come up with wild medical guesses others will somehow link this to your old heartbreaks and believe me this definitely happens. Even your friends begin to taunt you, ‘bhai sab kuch thik hai na…kabhi field me cricket ball to nahi lag gayi’ (is everything totally fine with you medically). My simple reply to this is a silent…stern…smile.
Then there are the ones who really treat you as their son. The moment you reach their place they will have a newspaper cutting saved for you with new Ayurvedic hair oil, which can increase obviously your hair growth. And you slowly fold that paper…into your pocket…with a genuinely ‘fake’ smile…’Ji aunty main kal hi ye tel kharid leta hu’ (I’ll definitely buy this one tomorrow). But I don’t blame them only…it’s the ‘awesome’ mindset of our society that the moment a guy starts losing his hair…he is considered old…an uncle. I really pitied my cousin who had to get a hair transplant just to get married…sad.

The ones who have taken the plunge also begin to push

Even the ones with whom you have shared your childhood…your bruises…your secrets and your memories begin to push you to get married. Sometimes for the simple reason because they themselves don’t want to be the one who have to swallow the pill alone. ‘Yaar tu kab tak akela rahega…bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’. You call them in the middle of the night with some of your issues and the only resolve they will come up with is, ‘Bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’. You will say…these days I don’t find interest in office with the profile that I am handling…and their reply, ‘Bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’ (Dude!! Get married).

Infact these days…some of the long-lost friends ping me only, either to share their CVs so that I can refer them or to check on me…when I am actually getting married. My ‘bhabhis’ (Sister-in-laws) have found even a newer way to harass…every time I wish them…their only blessing is ‘Jaldi shadi ho bhaiya’ instead of ‘Jeete rahiye bhaiya’. I remember recently attending a school friend’s marriage and out of all the friends who turned up…I was the one who was single…but I guess that should not be the reason to get married…Right!!!

Image ref: prokod.com.tr

Image ref: prokod.com.tr

The Emotional Attyachar

The list will never end for the singles out there…but the last one…the big one…which I believe the parents use to get daughters as well as their sons married is ‘the emotional attyachar’ (the emotional blackmail). ‘Beta!! Hum marne se pehle pote-poti ka muh dekhna chahte hai’. It’s so pathetic that they use their death to blackmail their kid for marriage…leave alone their choice for the marriage. It’s so convenient for them…they decide all your childhood…they decide more or less what career you choose. I believe the decision with whom you want to spend your life with…whether you want to spend it with someone or not should be yours.

For all those who are going to ask me after reading this whether I am actually going to get married is, my reply would be, ‘Arrange marriage main karunga nhi…aur pyar humse koi karta nahi’

For all those who are 28 years old or more,

For all those who face similar issues,

For all those who are married,

For all those who are bachelors,

And

For all those who believe Singlehood is awesome

It’s not a GOODBYE,
But its a GOOD BYE…Aur han…Believe me I still believe in the institution of Marriage…

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

19

The ‘CURLS’ Next Door…

The ‘Curls’ Next Door…

“Mom…Mom…Mom…please listen to me…I have told you so many times that I am over it and I am not looking forward to marrying anyone. I beg of you not to talk on this topic every day. I am fed up of it. I have decided for sure…that I won’t get married all my life” were my last sentences before disconnecting the call. I was still standing on the balcony of my newly rented apartment in Chandigarh when it started raining. I quickly put the mobile in my pocket and stuck out one hand…to feel the rain drops. The weather suddenly went from dull, humid and sticky to awesome. That fresh smell of the soil…the first rain of the season…was more than enough to get the mood going for the rest of the night.

My flatmate shouted from inside, “Oye!!! Pakode and Chai ho jaye”. I was not able to see him so I shouted back, “Bilkul”. Just as I was about to go inside…God had another plans. I saw a figure emerging on the balcony of the adjacent flat. Although the light was very dim but it was sufficient enough for me to carve out her figure in the darkness. Her face was not visible…she was wiping off the rain water from her face…her hair with the help of a towel. It seemed as if she had just arrived from work. She was in formal attire. The more I gazed in the darkness towards her balcony…the more I was able to figure her ‘figure’ out. 😉 . I won’t exaggerate anything but I had a good side-on view…remember she was wet.

She was averagely built…I mean…it was not as if she had ‘huge’ asset value but was not bad either. You know that perfect kind of body 😉 . After scrutinizing her from top till wherever I could possibly see (because of the balcony wall) my gaze was somehow stuck at one point (wipe off that dirty smile of your face…). I was not able to take my eyes off her hair. The sight of her amazing hair was like…aaaahhhhhhhhh…soothing and not horny. They were curly and at the same time free flowing…less like kangana ranaut’s and more like urmila matondkar’s. That monsoon rain…that petrichor smell of the soil…those ‘Curly’ hair…for a moment made me regret what I just said to mom about not marrying anyone.

For the next few days…I don’t know how and when it became a task from a general curiosity to just get a glimpse of her…and her curls. I finally got a GOOD view of her. She was in the same organization for which I worked. She was standing, with her bunch of friends, outside the food court…enjoying a cornetto. I was hungry and in hurry but my sad and lonely ‘Heart’ got the better of my ‘stomach’…it wanted to amuse itself. I bought an orange bar for myself and started sauntering near that ‘bunch’. Unlike the other girls…for whom it took a herculean effort to even giggle…she had a terrific smile…infact laugh. It was as if she never held back once she started laughing. Her curls…her not-so-perfect round face…her never ending smile…made her face glow as if it emitted light.

Her positive attitude…her energizing smile …her ‘bubbliness’…the great aura around her made all the negativity…of anyone…disappear. Wherever she went…wherever she stood…to whomsoever she spoke…she charged them with her electrifying attitude, to an extent that I never saw anyone dull near her.

I was beginning to spend more time on the balcony than the entire time I spent in the apartment. In the mornings…I found her coming to the balcony only to hang her towel and tiny unmentionable pieces of clothing to dry. There were occasions when I wondered as if they (4 neighbours including her) only washed these clothes…and purposely hung them on this balcony just to seduce us (me and my flatmate). In the evenings…she used the balcony to avoid her flatmates when she was conversing with her boyfriend on phone. Yeaaahhhh I knew she had a BF but it was not good enough to discourage me.

I began making special efforts to get her to talk to me…to somehow become friends with her if not anything else 😉 . Every time I heard them/her lock her door from outside…I was ready with a mop to clean my bike. If she made an eye contact…I found myself unnecessarily smiling at her and if she was close enough then saying a ‘HI’ knowing that I would hardly get any response. Some efforts went in vain…some paid a little off. From a complete ‘no-no’…I started getting a smile a week or an undirected Hi here n there. I knew that it was high time and decided to make a move.

The same monsoon weather but no rain…the same huskiness to the soil…my flatmate and I were enjoying a chilled and freshly opened pet pack of coke. My flatmate saw it in my eyes that I was upto something. I emptied my glass of coke as if it was a peg of Vodka…hoping that it would intoxicate me…hahaha. I stood up and went to her door. My flatmate got anxious and started peeping from the window. I knocked at her door…and prayed to God (that she and only she opens the door).

God again had a plan this time. To my surprise and happiness…it was she who opened the door. It was about 10 30 pm and it looked as if she was cooking. In one hand she had a piece of ginger while two green chillies in the other one. She inquiringly looked at me. I, with my hunky looks and a brad pitt jaw line…naaaaahhhhh…let me write it again. I, with my boiled egg looks (that’s better) moved a little closer…looked straight into her eyes…and asked, “Will you please accompany me to a disc”?

Her face had a mixed expression…shocked…with that effervescent smile of hers. She replied, “Are you serious”?

Yes…is all what I can mutter.

“I don’t even know your name”, she laughed. “I don’t go to disc with strangers…Ass***e” (she might have thought 😀 ) but she refrained from such profanity and handled it quite well by saying, “May be some other time…I hardly know you” (All this while she had that constant sparkling smile on her face). She went inside…I stood there for a while…thinking about those curls n smile…and then went back to my flat…took another glass of coke…went to the balcony…and it started raining again.

For all those who have such neighbours,

For all those who have a crush on them,

For all those who love ‘curly’ hair,

For all those who want to grab their attention,

For all those who love such bubbliness,

And

For all those who still want to go to disc with them…

It’s not a GoodBye…

But It’s a GOOD BYE…aur han I am still waiting for her to accompany me to a disc… 😉

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

21

THE FIRST 100 KISSES…

THE FIRST 100 KISSES… 

I offered her water because to my surprise it was more than 6 hours that she last had it. We (Paplu, She and me) were traveling from Ghaziabad in Gomti Express. Kanpur arrived… Paplu left …aur meri Fattee. I was left high and dry with the daunting task of taking her to my place and from there helping her to reach Varanasi (her home). I was beginning to feel numb and was getting deprived of any new thoughts. So I again offered her water…which saw the same fate as my last attempt. I couldn’t resist the temptation…and asked her… why was she avoiding any fluids and that too for so long? Initially she avoided by looking outside the window of the coach but I persisted. She finally replied, “Haven’t you seen ads on TV?” I know you didn’t get this one…actually I; on the first place was left clueless, what was she talking about?

She sensed it… and decrypted it by saying,” Haven’t you seen ads on TV related ‘only’ to girls?” Now here was my clue… and this time it didn’t take me so much time to understand that this was ‘that time of the month’ for her. “I am without any protection”, she exclaimed. I was left dumbstruck… since we were just acquaintances from college…not even friends… and for the first time in my life…a girl was conversing with me on such an intimate subject. I did not utter a single word till we reached Lucknow. She requested,” we will get down once everyone in the coach has left. I tried to guess her mental state and hence complied with what she said. She took the big bag by herself and asked me to walk just behind her and……not to look ‘there’.

We reached home around 1 30 am and to my surprise…my father and sister were still awake. I signaled 😉 to my sister to behave as if it was my custom to bring girls to my place at this time of the night. I could sense my father’s emotions and sentiments…but really appreciate the way they welcomed her. After dinner everyone went off to sleep… at least everyone pretended to.

The next morning my father left early for office, she was still fast asleep. At 11:00 am my sister’s friend came over…by this time Ma’am was awake and had had her breakfast. I was sitting in the TV room…fiddling with the remote…preoccupied with thoughts of yesterday’s events…what would be going through my father’s mind…what my sister would be thinking of me n all. Right then…Ms ‘unprotected’ came to the room and sat on the other side of the bed. Because of what happened a day ago…I could say that we were now friends. Suddenly, she crawls across the bed…sits right next…close to me… too close for comfort. Out of the blue she questioned,” Manas!! What is the difference between a Kiss and a Smooch?” (You should have seen my expression 😀 :D)

A guy with no prior experience of ‘any’ kind with a girl was asked such a question. Expressionless…I stammered, “Have you seen the movie Black? What Amitabh does to Rani was a smooch and the rests are classified as kisses.” Ma’am was far from satisfied. She leant forward…kept her head on the pillow in my lap…facing me…whispered, “Karke batao”. I simply FROZZZZZZE. Failing to come up with the next move, I got up and left the room…and the house.

I returned in an hour or so and straightway went to the computer room on the first floor. Ma’am came to the room, accompanied by my sister. As soon as I saw her, I said, “The bus to Varanasi leaves in 2 hours…please be ready”. My sister left and went to the kitchen. ‘The Ghost of kissing’ came back to life once again. More desperate this time, she kept on insisting…I lost my temper…slapped her right across her face (not joking). She started weeping uncontrollably. I was in a muddled situation…with my sister downstairs…a girl weeping in my room…what will my sister make of this scene…I was beginning to fear the worse…and that is when I decided to give in.

I was getting ready for my ‘SEMI CONSENSUAL RAPE’ (I coined this term especially for this) … moving backwards…finding no more space to go…stood upright against the wall…closed my eyes…tight…and muttered, “Ek karlo…Jaldi se”. She came within an inch of me…so close that I was able to feel her breathe…my eyes still closed…she took my face in her hands…and slowly planted a kiss on my lips…before sliding her tongue. I instantly came back to my senses…eyes wide open…pushed her back. There was no stopping her…Ms ‘Puchhi’ was far from over; she pushed me to the bed…pounced on me…tasting and salivating…my lips…tongue…ears…and face…as if I was a piece of ‘Black Forest’. I was beginning to realize that it actually was not bad…a sexy, sultry gal was busy licking me (my face 😉 ) and I was feeling guilty … feeling sorry for no reason.

The time was right for her to put the final nail in the coffin. For a brief…we parted…she didn’t take a second and dropped the hydrogen bomb… I love… … Mr. A. I, on the other hand who was still gasping for breathe, being so naïve in those days, couldn’t understand what all was happening. The covetousness in her was yet not satisfied and before I could have got hold of the situation…she resumed to her wild and passionate ways. Realizing that we won’t be able to be like this in college, she said, “Let me make it up for you for the coming four years…we will complete a century”. Returning back to the business…she started kissing…and I was counting 😉 and we kissed A HUNDRED TIMES.

We boarded the bus from Lucknow bus station to Varanasi. In a way it became my obligation to drop her safely to her home…the one who gave me my FIRST KISS. She even went on to saying that, “Mere Solah Somwar ke vrat Tumhare nam”…and being the chu*** that I was…I actually believed her. Once the college re-opened she simply ignored me….never ever spoke to me…except for the time when she came to tell me that we don’t have a future. Within three days…I went from being accepted…to being loved and kissed by someone…just to be left SHATTERED.

For all those who have been kissed,

For all those who have kissed,

For all those who were betrayed,

For all those who were left shattered

And

For all those who were kissed a hundred times…

It’s not a GOODBYE…

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han a few years later she did apologize to me for my semi consensual rape.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

10

The ‘GHARHI’ INCIDENT – Incomplete Friendship Part -2

The Gharhi Incident – Incomplete Friendship Part-2

City Montessori school was a place where you could find , if not all, most of the beautiful gals in Lucknow, One reason why I was always thankful to my parents for sending me to the Temple of Knowledge, for there were numerous Deity’s to whom I wanted to bow down. Well actually what I wanted was more, coz they seemed really hot to me then and somehow these girls have managed to become hotter now. Well any ways the point was there was too much of challenge for one to have kept sane. The already struggling minds of adolescent were thrown more obstacles everyday.

The hero of our story is a guy with geeky looks, low confidence, hesitant and reserved. The type who thought they were smart and intelligent but the truth was known to the world in a better way. However he was considered genuine and decent, unlike me, by all. Let’s give him a name, Mr. Decent….actually this name was given to him by our physics teacher, Leena Ma’am.

Mr. Decent then was a student of CMS. So unable to cope up with the daily conflict, our hero reconciled, by our support, that he was in Love with one of the most powerful and admired deity of our class, Ms. BPL….can’t mention the real name (on special request by her)…frankly speaking after I coined this name many of the admirers never came to know her real name…and this became the household name for us all. The name itself has a story to it. One day she suffered from ‘Low Blood Pressure’ and hence the name BPL was coined (akhir kuch to code word rakhna tha….nahi to bahut mar padti 😉 ).

Ms. BPL…..ohhhh ab kya bataein inke bare me…..her hair were ‘boy cut’ then….or a ‘wedge cut’ as she pointed out to me this morning, it were golden brown. Well to be very honest its today that I find myself comfortable conversing with her but back in those days I found orating in front of 500 people easier. She was beautiful but it was her smartness that blew people’s minds often. But for Mr. Decent it was always like she stood with a HALO as if an angel from Indra’s kitty. Her skin was flawless, Silvery with every mole in the right place. I’m sure every time He saw her, his heart sang…. ‘chandi jaisa rang hai tera sone jaise bal…’. She was always drenched in excessive attitude which was flaunted by her killer looks….which made some of us grumble….,  “apne ap ko Ms.India samjhati hai kya???” Her smartly fitting shirt….knee length skirt and the list goes on n on…

And the fate unfolds.

CMS made it compulsory for everyone to take part in extra co-curricular and we were always game for it. It was one such event at the Sahara City and we (Mr. Decent, Ms. BPL and of course ME etc etc) were part of the ‘Bhartiyam team’. Mr. Decent approached me and expressed his desire to speak to her. Me being the expert in the subject instantly agreed to help. I told him to wait for my signal.

After one of the practice sessions I asked Mr. Decent to hand over his watch to me and go to Ms. BPL to ask for time and this way he can crack a conversation (ab saala us samay yahi sab ideas aate the… 😀 ). His desperation got the better of him. He immediately snatched his watch off his wrist and handed to me. I waited for her to be alone and as soon as she was…..i gave the Thumbs Up to Decency. He like an obedient follower obeyed my instructions….step by step, brimming with confidence…or I should say Overconfidence, he moved towards her. One final glance he gave to me and this time I had my both Thumbs UP.

Mr. Decent (mesmerized): Hi…eeeeee….excuse me…..

Ms. BPL (attitude overflowing): han …. Kya hai???

Mr. Decent (taken aback by her cruel affection): mmmmmm…wwwww…what’s the time???

Ms. BPL (thinking): Tumhara to acha nahi lag raha…

TABHI…..hum prakat hote hai (I appear)

Me (with a smirk): abe Decency tum apni gharhi mujhe deke kyu aaye ho mere bhai…

Me (looking towards Ms. BPL): kahi ye tumse time poochne to nahi aaya????

Mr. Decent’s face became pale…..yellow…..n then what all happened can’t be mentioned here…..

But on a serious note his crush, infatuation, genuine liking or LOVE (I don’t know what it was) grew over the years for her….and I guess still carries with him. Hope she understands it one day. I can today just say, “I am sorry bro”.

For all those who were my classmates,

For all those who were schoolmates,

For all those who gave nicknames to girls,

For all those whose crushes were crushed,

For all those who had a AH friend like me,

And

For all those who still carry there childhood love….

It’s not a GOODBYE,

But it’s a GOOD BYE…..aur han HAPPY BIRTHDAY (10th june) Mr. DECENT.

Manas ‘SAMEER’ Mukul.

18

THEKE pe THOKA…..Love, Blood and Desire….

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Theke pe Thoka…..Love, blood and desire…

Tip …tip…tip….one by one the tears started rolling down her cheeks…. I rolled across the bed to her…..held her in my arms….brought her real close to me….and slowly …..and slowly…licked her tears. She snuggled right into my chest….like a small kid….and started punching me with her soft hands……’you can’t go ….Jaan…you can’t go’. (I got posted to the dangerous valleys of Drass as emergency was declared in the region following tension with the neighboring country).

‘Pehla nasha pehla khumaar’ was on the radio…..I caressed her hairs….she brought her face close to mine….looking straight into my eyes….and said,” Nonu!! You can’t leave me like this….i become very alone when you are gone….i feel very lonely when you are not around……before I could respond….she planted a full-on kiss on my lips. I checked the clock from the corner of my eye….it was 3:00 am…I still had three hours before I leave. We separated….i saw the naughtiness in her eyes….hence I checked one more thing….and realized, I was worked up for another round of wild, passionate and steamy carnal love or in easier terminology….sex. The wave of emotions never made me realize when the tiny pieces of clothing that were left on us…..came off…..and we melted into each other.

I tied the shoe laces and it was time to take leave. She was still fast asleep. She was glowing with the golden morning sunrays that were falling on her beautiful face. The streaks of hair that were on her forehead made her look like a goddess. Ohhh!!! I was in love…..waise after two rounds of practical of the biology lessons taught in school….everyone feels that he is in LOVE….. :-D. I bent forward….removed the hairs from her forehead….and gently kissed her without breaking her sleep. Bye Mithu…I whispered and left.

Time passed.

She was beginning to feel that the loneliness was eating her up after he was gone. It was about a month ago that they made love on that night…..she remembered finishing her coffee. She was never sure….. Was this love or was this just her physical desires that made her fell for him? She decided its best to concentrate on work till he returns. She was an Airhostess in a leading airline….so most of her time was occupied by traveling to places.

She was traveling to Bangalore and carrying out her usual duties. The light flashed….it was a call from an elderly lady seated on seat 29F. She took a glass of water with her in case the lady needed. On her way she entangled herself in her high heels …… misbalanced….she fell in his (Mr. B) lap with the glass of water. There was a complete silence……” Does this airline serve ANGELS as well??? You should be a terrorist…..you can kill people with your looks ma’am” he said wryly. He was in total awe of her smoking hot beauty….she was 5’10”….with an asset value of Pamela Anderson on the top and her bottom could have given J’Lo a run for her money. The white shirt which hugged her to millimeters of her perfection and the short skirt…..which everyone wanted to be more short….added more value to her luscious seductiveness.

Gaining composure …she rubbed against the musk of his cologne. She was captivated by the raw masculinity he had on offer…..chisel jaw line….stubble…..ray ban…..bulging biceps….He looked as if he was the Prince of Persia. For the rest of the trip she couldn’t resist the temptation of looking at him again n again….every time she found a chance she intentionally brushed against him….she tried to gain control over her but to no success. The flight captain announced their arrival to Bangalore….as he passed her on the exit…”thank you sir …have a happy stay” she said with lust overflowing her eyes. He winked and abruptly blurted ….. ‘Your place or mine’.

The door unlocked…..they entered….without uttering anything they started ripping off….with lips locked….she realized how correct she was on the flight about him….his huge……arms..(khali gandi baat hi socho tum log…). She found it stupid to let go the craving on offer and let herself enjoy and flow in the wave of passion. They did the foreplay….post play….and every kind of play that they could have tried. Both exhausted and spent….she lay on his 44” chest….realizing what she was missing for these days……blushed on the thought that she was yet to ask his NAME.

Knock knock….knock knock…..she wrapped herself in the blanket and opened the door. She felt as if the roof has fallen on her head….each and every single drop of lust vanished….it was Mr. A on the door and Ms X who just had sex….was left stumped. “WOW….what a surprise…” he exclaimed…as she was wearing just a Blanket….noticing a striking resemblance in the atmosphere and in her as well…he entered…..by now she was trembling with the fear that the only piece of clothing they had was that blanket and Mr. B was sleeping without any covering.

Mr. A entered the bedroom to find a nude sleeping beauty…the only problem was that it was a male which didn’t go according to his likings. His eyes turned red with rage….she tried to explain but to no avail. By this time the sleeping beauty was also awake trying to cover him up with whatever possible he can. Mr. A slapped her hard….she fell on the floor….Mr. B ran for her. Mr. A’s anger reached its boiling point….he picked up a vase…and in the fits of fury he hit the back of Mr. B’s head. Blood spurted….and he fell on the bed. The raw masculinity had now turned into a raw DEAD BODY. She screamed….and fainted.

Coming back to senses….she sat holding Mr. A’s hand. She goofed up stories and made him believe that it was all Mr. B’s fault…and she knew how easy it is to make a fool out of someone who is madly in love with you. But it was not that easy….she resorted to her old evil tricks…as she knew that men are weak between their legs. Devilish looks….killer body….a Deadly combination….and it was time for this terrorist to drop another of her bombs. She dropped the blanket….took him to the bed….their ANIMAL INSTICTS took over them…..they made love in that pool of blood….beside his dead body.

This is my first short story…..i hope u all like it…;-)

For all those who are loyal to their partners,

For all those who cheat their partners,

For all those who opt for infidelity,

For all those who love sex,

For all those who have killed people,

and

For all those who are yet to get that awaited oppurtunity….

Its not a GoodBye…

but its a GOOD BYE…Aur han this is a true story…

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

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16

INCOMPLETE FRIENDSHIP

This article was written by me when i was in class 11th or 12th …… i dont clearly remember…..its about the friendships of my school time which has somehow withered away with time…………few of them remain my good friends till date…..but most of them have lost touch because of the fast paced life…..some of them have taken giant leaps while some are like me still deciding which way to take my future……

so here’s how the article was…….

Someone who’s kind and thoughtful,

Whose company’s pleasure,

Someone who listens and understands,

Whose good advice you treasure,

Someone whose warmth and patience,

Never seem to have an end,

Someone who has a caring heart,

That someone is friend…

Friendship happens when, one person reaches out to another, trusts, comforts, believes in that person, hopes the best for that person and makes a special difference that no one else can make.

A friend is the one who makes the good time better, sharing laughter, smiles and fun.”

Palace of friendship is a place of acceptance and love. A place where you feel you belong to. It is a place where you celebrate joys and finds comfort if something goes wrong.

It is a place full of welcome and trust, a place where there’s laughter and sharing. It’s a place that is made safe and secure with the warmth of friends who live there.

Some things in life do never change, one such thing is friendship of a friend. I have experienced friendship of most true and loyal friends in life.

People say after god comes the place of friends but I say my friends are my God. I worship them, I love them, and I adore them…. Until I was a child I never knew what is friendship, but the moment I realized what friendship is, I was at the top of this world. For me the value of a special friend cannot be measured but it can only be treasured.

Yes a true friend is a real treasure of life, for diamond and gold may degrade but friendship of a friend may never.

ALONG LIFE’S ROAD I FOUND A FRIEND,

WHO BROUGHT ME JOYS UNTOLD,

A HAPPINESS TO FILL MY HEART,

MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD”

Days and months have passed away but my thoughts remain the same. What will happen when I will leave this school? Will I be able to meet my friends after school or not?

20th august 1996, my first day in C.M.S. Degree College. I was a bit nervous, somewhat confused but a whole lot confident.

Obviously, because of being a late admission I faced a lot many problems in adjusting in class and completing my work. But as it is truly said that,  “A friend in need is a friend indeed” so did my friends were because in spite of being a new student in the class they treated me as their old friend and helped me in completion of my back work.

My first day was not full of events but one or two did take place. In the first period I was quite amazed to hear that students wish teachers by saying ‘jai jagat’, no good morning or noon. Well then in my English period our English teacher, VINITA BHANOT (at that time she was our eng. Teacher), asked the meaning of the word ‘crimson’. I raised my hand and gave the correct answer and for this I won applause. I saw a girl, with blunt cut hairs, in the girls’ row smiling at me and I am still carrying that moment of the first day with me and will remain with me forever. That smile gave me enough courage that I wondered where my nervousness had gone and it is encouraging me to this day even. Vinita ma’am surprised me by adding an adjective,’ HERO’ to me. I think this was all due to my hairs. Well then not much happened with me that year.

The next year I came across some new faces. Nishant, the topper of our batch was one of them. He always fidgeted with his fingers as if he was a patient of epilepsy. There was also a poet, Elina, among us who was always ready with one or two of her own creations. We had some good players among us: Kamal, Nishant, Sajid, Achint, Praveen, Shantanu, Ajit, Gunjan, Milind and of course myself. Prakhar ‘the descent boy’ mostly remained the 12th man but now he is an improved player of all-round abilities. The duo of Elina and Neha kul. was always ready with their ever-boring song ‘awara bhanwarein’. I remember Prachi and I became good friends mainly b’coz she lived opposite to my house. But the rest of the ‘pack’ of girls seldom took part in anything. We mainly took part in many co-curricular activities mainly in ‘Bhartiyam’. I remember that during this period a tragedy,’ The Gharhi Incident’ took place with Prakhar and the credit goes to me. At that time we were very good at tangling one girl’s name with one boy. We kept code words for every girl. And this is the main reason for my ever so bad image of a bad boy, which most of the girls still carry but this isn’t true. I am good at heart and it is as pure as pure can be. So this gives you an idea that I was involved in all kinds of activities. Doing comic activities was an integral part of me and it still is.

During the first three months of my year in 8th I was in section A but due to the disliking of Pratiksha ma’am I was thrown away in section C. in 8th I met a good looking smart guy, Aditya Sharma, who was going to be my best friend for the coming three years and then he left the school. That ‘smiling’ face was still with me. In 9th we had a whole lot of good time. In those days W.W.F. was in the air and Shantanu and I were the self-proclaimed ‘tag team champions’. I think teaching in C.M.S was the most horrible experience of our geography teacher, Mita Aggarwal, who lasted for only two weeks b’coz of our good, creative and notorious deeds. To my surprise Nishant also took part in ‘Pungi Bajaing’.

Now coming to those who called themselves the ‘teachers’. ‘Goltcha’ puzzled us with his ‘tond’ and maths. Pratiksha ma’am and Tripathi ma’am laid stress on Hindi and Sanskrit. Geography was made beautiful and lovely by Vinita ma’am. I know Nishant will not like it. The ever-funny soul of Mrs. Chawla taught us chemistry and biology. We visited the remains of Mohen-jo-daro and caves of Ajanta-Ellora our historian Mr. Anjan ghosh. ‘Idli Dosa’ specialist Kanika ma’am taught English to us. We got some tips of engineering from Shikha ma’am in physics and we lost our ‘Basics’ with her in computers.

This was all about how I spent my pre-secondary section.

Seven years have passed away since I am having a true relation with this institution and its people. A millennium has changed and I witnessed it throughout with my everlasting friends. And I wish that the remains of this friendship stay in this universe till the day sun rises and sets.

At this time I am very much confused. A feeling tickling my heart makes me sad and happy at times. Happiness of being a grown up, happiness of going to college, happiness of breaking all restrictions of school. But at the same time sadness of leaving a school I cherish the most, grief of parting with friends I love the most, sorrow of parting with people I have lived with, I loved, I have played with and shared these seven years of my life. In these years of life I have learned to enjoy life, to learn from life’s sufferings, to grief at times of sadness and to laugh at times of happiness but the thing I have learnt the most is          ‘A TRUE FRIENDSHIP’.

My friends have formed an everlasting part of my life and now its time to part with them. Its like life is moving away from me. Whenever I think of it my breath and my heart beats slow down.

“Never I felt before like such,

Never I felt alone that much,

It is a feeling undefined,

Never my heart mourned that much..”

At the end of the day when I look back to how have I spend my school days…I find this…

“My childhood all gone away,

My innocence all lost,

I remember the spring and the autumn,

Those summers and those frosts.

No words to express my thoughts,

No words to express my feelings,

I keep on asking questions to myself,

What are these untold feelings..”

For those who love me,

For those who like me,

For those lived for me,

For those who believe in me,

For those who have faith in me,

For those who praise me,

For those who tease me,

For those who played with me,

For those who have had fun with me,

For those who smile for me,

For those who laugh at me,

For those who think of me,

For those who care for me,

For those who taught me,

For those who won’t forget me,

For those who will forget me,

And also for all those who Hate me,

It’s not a goodbye,

But it’s a good  bye.

Truly yours

MANAS MUKUL.

Always keep smiling and best of love ‘n’ luck.