19

Happy Birthday Papa

Happy Birthday Papa

The year was 1991. I was about 5 years old then. Papa always motivated us to be courageous, brave and work on our fitness and had this habit of saying that his body was made up iron and how I should also exercise and eat right to get that perfect balance for the body.

It was a hot summer morning and my summer vacations were going on. Papa was following his daily routine of exercise. I was in a fun mood that day and somehow got hold of a huge stick. He was sweating profusely and was exercising bare-chested. I was always a naughty child and was always ready with one or two tricks everyday.

That day I dared him, “Papa you always say that you are made of iron. Right. I want to test it today.”

He casually replied, “Yes I am and so are you. So how do you plan to take the test?”

Exuding my childhood innocence I stupidly suggested, “I will hit you with this stick on your back and lets see whether you feel any pain or not.”

One thing I would like to highlight about him; he was exceptional with kids especially when it involved their curiosity. He would never shy away from answering lamest of queries and encouraging them to try out new things. He always taught you would never learn until you fail.

He persuaded me to go ahead.

I kept on asking him again and again whether he was sure. Each and every time he confidently replied, “Yes! My son. Bring it on.”

I thought that I had thought this through but I was too naïve.

With all my might I swung the stick hard and bangggg!!!

Papa and Me

A crimson cylindrical line appeared where the stick hugged the skin.

Moments later similar crimson lines appeared on my cheeks with the love that was showered by my mom after the Iron Man test was completed.

Everybody in the family including my mom was shocked that I actually did it. They all thought I was just playfully bluffing. For a moment I was appalled too that I actually did it but it was all too late by then.

This was the kind of bond Papa and me shared for the major part of our lives. I remember he being either my partner at the running end on a cricket pitch or would be bowling to me being as part of the opposition. He always said that we are friends first and father-son later.

I clearly remember the nights scarred with power cuts and me spending most of them on his shoulders bombarding him with innumerous ‘whys’ and then would doze off on his chest. I would suck the juice out of oranges and then would give him the pulp to finish. How he would take me to buy cream rolls every evening. How he would take me on a bicycle round and round every time it rained. The memories are uncountable and the vacuum is forever.

For the last 3-4 years he would constantly say to me that I want an hour from you and want to discuss something but destiny always deceived us. In fact there was a trip, which we both undertook and the only time that we were separate was the time when we would use loo. I guess this sums up what a father-son relation actually becomes when they grow old. Both of them have so much bottled up to say but none of them has the courage to look weak.

Everybody loses someone in his or her life and my case isn’t special. It’s just that sometimes when the people are alive you don’t have the words and expressions to convey your feelings and this is my way of communicating to him. I am sure wherever he will be he will be in peace and would definitely be smiling over me; reading what all I write. It’s been 530 days since he left us and he would have been 65 years old today. There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t craved to speak to him and hug him. Some would say he left too early…All I would say is that he lived like a king and he left royally too where he didn’t give anyone a chance to serve him in any manner and take care of him.

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

A poem by my sister Shraddha Mukul

Life has moved on, and yet you still remain,
Your absence your memories is unbearable pain.

Every day I wait to sleep wait to be with you in my dreams,
I hug you, I hold you so close … your presence makes me smile,
And then I wake up and see you gone,
And that you were never there …you are gone for a while.

I waited on my bday … coz you promised you will always be there,
No matter which part of the world I am, you will come to me to celebrate,
You didn’t come … I am still waiting…
And now I wonder I might go crazy at this rate.

When I was little I always thought … nothing will ever happen to you,
And that you are “my daddy strong”
Look where I am standing Papa,
I feel so so very wrong.

I am angry at you and I feel cheated,
You promised you will never let go of me,
I am falling in the dark Papa,
Don’t you care anymore, can’t you see?

People say I am silly,
that one who goes never comes back,
They don’t know our connection, Papa
I know you will find me even in a world pitch black.

– Shraddha Mukul

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21

Let’s Walk


Featured post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

 

Take 1:

Come my dear let’s walk
Let’s walk together to forever
I know you fear but let’s walk
Let’s walk and defeat it together.

We might never be ready
Or we are ready now
Let’s tie our will together
And let’s walk to see it goes how

My mind is wide open
To see all the possibilities
I am yours and you are mine
Let’s walk together to the end of time

Take 2:

From far across it was coming back
The memory of a broken past
In fear, I hide and stay
Waiting for this storm to pass

They tell me to face it now
That I will never be ready otherwise
But how do I be brave
What amount of courage will suffice

How do I save what’s damaged
How do I mend a broken tie
How do I live life with hope
When within all wants to die

My will is shattered my faith all gone
All I see is an endless night
Bring me some star bring me some sun
Don’t wake me up if there is no light

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

So which ‘take’ you liked the most 🙂

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

25

The UGLY Teddy

Featured post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

 

Once upon a time in a far-off place, beyond the snow clad mountains, within a mesmerizing landscape, where nature was in its purest form, where the freezing streams originated there was a picturesque land known as ‘Teddyland’.

In Teddyland everyone was a teddy bear. From adults to children, from stout to tall, from brown to pink to red to orange, everyone was a personification of a teddy.

In teddy land there lived J, the most jovial of all of them, a teddy that was the center of everyone’s attention. Wherever he was he would always be surrounded by other teddies that would be laughing out at his tales of witticism, puns, and gags. Female teddies drooled over him. Anyone who got an opportunity of his cuddles never forgot his feel.

What made him unique was his appearance to go along with his nature to make everyone laugh at all times. He was surely different than any other teddy of the Teddyland. He had no fur on his head…he was bald. To make matters worse he had misplaced teeth and no jawline. With humor came a lot of sarcasm, which won him a lot of accolades, but the fate seemed to differ when it came to love.

One day a female teddy, S, from the neighboring village came. She was in the market when she heard a loud laughter erupt. She got curious to know what it was. The moment she laid her eyes on J, she was in love with his imperfect smile. Somehow none of J’s imperfections mattered to her.

She confessed her love to J. They started seeing each other. Met, ate and danced together. The moment she cuddled J, her love for him deepened. They became inseparable.

They decided to take a step forward in their relationship and get married. S was very skeptical of her parent’s response. Her mother knew of J, she had seen him perform many of his gigs. She liked his performances but never approved of his looks.

When S discussed about J to her mom, she outrightly rejected him. Her mom told her that she belonged to a royal family with grace and splendor and possessed beauty for which others are ready to kill. How can she stoop down to this ‘Ugly Teddy’?

S never wanted to disappoint her mother, as she was the sole reason for her existence. She knew all the hardships her mother had faced to raise her. But she was in too much love to let go off J either.

She tried to convince her mom but their love was defeated.

In the end, the respect for a mother won over the love for an Ugly Teddy.

Many years later, S was visiting Teddyland with her husband and children. They were taking a stroll by the stream. She heard an eruption of laughter. All of them went to see what the commotion was all about. There was J, right in the center of the action, a little balder and fatter with wrinkles beginning to sketch out, doing the only thing he knew – to make others laugh.

He instantly recognized S. He brought a couple of cotton candies, handed them to the kids, hugged them one by one, wished and blessed the couple and disappeared into the crowd of teddies.

For all those who want to live in Teddyland,

For all those who believe love is beyond looks,

For all those who want cuddles

and

For all those who love Teddy Bears…

It’s not a Goodbye,

but it’s a GOOD BYE.

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

Wow Prompt

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

12

Surprise…Surprise…Surprise…

Surprise…Surprise…Surprise…

“You know tomorrow is my first presentation ever”, she said nervously to me. Her voice was shaking and none of her friends were able to infuse enough confidence in her to make the presentation work. She rehearsed…rehearsed…and rehearsed…to the point that she began to forget everything… at least she felt so. It was left upon me to get that confidence back going for her. I reminded her, “Believe in yourself and think of how good you are and what an awesome presentation you are going to deliver tomorrow”. I knew that my words have a calming effect on her, but this time it was not going to last.

I decided it was time for me to make her feel that I am always there for her and I just don’t simply say that ‘I will be there for the smallest of things’. I immediately called her back and broke her heart (for that moment) that I have a company visiting my campus tomorrow and I will have to switch off my phone through the entire duration of the seminar and there might be a possibility where I would not be able to give her a call before the presentation. I checked the tickets and asked my ever so sweet sister to get the tickets done for me (don’t forget me being a student these days was unable to afford the price just a day before 😉 ). She managed to get one booked for me.

The next day I had an early flight to catch and she was still sleeping. So the best I could do was to text her, “All the best for your presentation sone, make me proud, phod phad macha dena, I am going for the seminar muah muah muah forehead”. I landed by 10:30 a.m. and her presentation was supposed to begin by noon. I gave a call to her best friend and told her about my plan to surprise her by visiting her just before the presentation and say, “All the best of Luv ‘n’ Luck to her face”. I knew that girls can’t be trusted when it comes to keeping secrets and her friend proved me right by spurting out every bit of my surprise. The news made her extremely happy as if she won a lottery. It was a complete turnaround…she was brimming with confidence…and in the process completely nailed the presentation and answered each and every question that followed.

She knew which hotel I (we) stayed in every time I visited her city as this would have been my fourth visit in the past four months. As soon as she was done with the presentation she didn’t even wait for the teacher’s response…immediately took an auto and reached the hotel. She enquired at the reception…took the spare keys in an effort to surprise me instead…and came running to my room. She was puzzled not to find me there. She tried my mobile but was switched off. She made a call to the reception but could not get any info on my whereabouts. Her face which was glowing with confidence and courage…now suddenly had an edgy and worried look to it.

There was a knock on the door…she opened…anticipating that it will be me she shouted my name. Less to her surprise and more to her shock it was police at the door. She was beginning to panic. The police informed her that a truck crushed a guy this morning and they recovered a bag from the accident site with a printout of booking of this hotel room with your name on it. She opened the bag only to find out ‘a Barbie’, ‘a box of Soan Papdi’ and ‘an envelope with confirmed booking for two days and two nights for a couple at the Marriot’.

She remembered, how, since her childhood she never craved for anything except for a Barbie, she had had many delicacies but it was the ‘Soan Papdi’ that made her taste buds go crazy and she visited many places around the globe… rested in many resorts but it was the Marriot which was the closest to her heart. It was all a part of the surprise that I had planned for my bestest buddy.

There are days when God gives you signs or omens which tell you what is going to happen and then there are days when even the Gods get confused what the omen says.

The police told, “The Guy was wearing this shirt” and handed it to her. She straight away recognized it to be my shirt as it was the same shirt in which she slept the last time I was there. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. The blood on the shirt made her scream…scream…and scream. There were flashbacks of, how every night before we went to bed, I always called her to say how much I loved…cared for her and will be there with her forever n ever n ever. She reminded herself of her decision to tell me that how much she loved me…and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She cried uncontrollably…gasping for breath…her shrieking voice made even the policemen feel her loss…her pain…her regret of not telling me just for once that SHE LOVED ME…

There was another knock at the door…one policeman opened it. To everyone’s disbelief it was me who was at the door. For a moment she thought she was seeing me just because of the sheer love for me. Without even caring for the standing policemen, who were themselves astonished, I started… Bubu…as soon as I landed…my bag was stolen…last night I wasn’t able to charge my phone’s battery…hence it died…but what’s this…why is police here and above all why are you crying guddu????

She stood up…ran towards me…grabbed me by the collar…started slapping me…kissing my face all over…saying I Love You…I Love You…I Love You.

For all those who believe in surprises,

For all those who like surprises,

For all those who like giving surprises,

For all those who like getting surprised,

And

For all those who will go to any extent to say that ‘All the Best’

It’s not a Goodbye…

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han go out there and give surprises…your loved ones actually love it and a HAPPY DIWALI to all of You…enjoyyyyyyyy.

Manas “Sameer” Mukul

7

KOI MUJHSE PUCHE…

KOI MUJHSE PUCHE…

wo pata hai bahut hi bahut hi khubsurat hai…
kash koi meri ankhon se puche

wo kitna maasum hai…wo kitna sacha hai…kitna seedha hai…
kash koi mere dil se puche

wo mujhe kitna samjhata hai….wo mere sath hardam hai…
kash koi meri dosti se puche

uski jalan me jo pyar hai….jo wo sabse chupa k rakhta hai….
kash koi mere mann se puche

uski ankhon me jo umeed hai…uske hothon pe jo haya hai…
kash koi meri ankhon se puche

uske hath me jo mamta hai…uske seene me jo apnapan hai…
kash koi meri atma se puche

uske chehre me jo kashish hai…uske hathon me jo tapish hai…
kash koi meri rooh se puche

uski baton me jo bachpana hai…uski hansi me jo shararat hai…
kash koi meri khushi se puche

uske jhooth me jo sach hai….uski har ek naa me jo han hai…
kash koi mere zehen se puche

uski hansi me jo mere jeevan ki khushiyan hai…uski baton me jo meri sansein hai…
kash koi meri dhadkan se puche

uski maang me jo mera sapna hai…uski mehendi me jo apna hai…
kash koi mere jeevan se puche

uski sanson me jo thandhak hai….uske ansuon me jo namak hai…
kash koi meri sanson se puche

uske khoon me jo mere kann hai…uski uljhano me jo meri bechaini hai…
kash koi meri bebasi se puche

uske chehre pe jo masumiyat hai…uski mehek me jo kasak hai…
kash koi meri hansi se puche

uski nazdiki me jo duri hai….uski duri me jo nazdiki hai…
kash koi mere ansuon se puche

uski god me kitna sukun hai…uski mehek me kitna chain hai…
kash koi meri neend se puche

uske mathen ki rekhaon me jo mera kal hai…uski achayi me jo mera aaj hai…
kash koi meri burayi se puche

uske hathon me jo meri lakeerein hai….uski ragon jo mera khoon hai…
kash koi mere akelepan se puche

uske pairon me jo meri kismat hai….uski ek han me jo mere jeevan ka maksad hai…
kash koi meri ankhon se girte in ansuon se puche

uski ek naa me mere jeevan ka ant hai….uske ruth jane me jo meri maut hai…
kash koi meri ragon me behte uske nam k khoon se puche

uske hath me jo gulab hai…uska khat jo mere hath me hai…
kash koi meri laash se puche

uske ek akhiri bar mujhe chune me jo mera MOKSHA hai…KASH KOI MUJHSE PUCHE

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

8

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota…

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota…

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To aap tak aake…apke sath chal pata,
Chahe ap kisi ke bhi sath hote…hamesha apka sath nibha pata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To apke labon ko chukar…bina bataye…apko chum ke chala jata,
Sindur na hoke bhi…apke mathe pe chamak pata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To apke aansuon me milkar…unhe pi leta,
apke rom-rom ko mehsus kar…apki rooh tak pahunch pata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To apki khushbuon ko sari umar ke liye apne sath le jata,
Apke mathe ki shikan ko mita kar…apka sukun ban jata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To us khubsurat chehre pe koshish karke…ek muskurahat la pata,
Apke itne kareeb aa jata…ki hume Khuda bhi chah ke juda na kar pata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To khud mit kar bhi…apke zariye jee pata,
Apke dard ko apne ander kahi sama leta.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To chah ke bhi kabhi apne aansun na dikha pata,
Aur kabhi khud mitna chahta to…apke hi ander kahi sama jata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To apki chai…apke pakode ka kaaran ban pata,
Sondhi si khushboo ban kar apki thakaan ko mita deta.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To dur reh kar bhi…apko hamesha dekh pata,
Apki palkon pe aakar, apki ankhon me khud ka aks dekh pata.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To apki jhulfon me ulajh kar…apki mehek ban pata,
Aur jab thak jata to apko bina bataye hi mar jata
aur ap chah ke bhi mujhe kabhi dhoondh na pate.

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota,
To sirf apko chune ki umeed me sari umar bita deta,
kam se kam apke nazdeek to aa sakta…apke hathon ko to chhu sakta…aur khamoshi se…apka sparsh leke zameen me kahi kho jata.
Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota…
To apke pas khud aakar…in shabdon ko suna pata…

Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota…
Kaash main wo baarish ki Boond hota…

Manas “Sameer” Mukul

18

SOMEBODY that I USED to know…

Somebody That I used to know…

Everything was perfect…I was there with her…on a weekend…on the Sunday morning. I took her out to a movie…which I promised her that I’ll watch only with her. We had a great lunch at our favourite ‘Sukh Sagar’ in Bangalore. We always placed the same order…as somehow we worked that it was the best combination that the restaurant offered. It was my most loved thing…to take her out to eat. As most of the girls today hardly eat…I took it as a duty…as my responsibility…that every time we will be together…she would eat nicely…at least to my satisfaction. After the meal…we sauntered here and there…from malls…to lake, from Majestic to Marathalli. Some stray clouds lost their way and ended up in Bangalore…making the evening a pleasant one. On my sister’s request we landed up at her place. She took it on herself to prepare the dinner for both of us. It was an awesome feast.

It was around 2 am that we decided to take a nap…and my sister gave a mat to Suhan and me as it was a small rented place that she lived in with only 2 rooms. It was the first time that in spite of her being there with me…I could not sleep…the whole night. Even if my eyes gave way…the uneasiness in my heart never left me…never allowed me to doze off. I looked at her…she was in a deep sleep…my arm was her pillow that night. The sight was so peaceful and soothing with the dim moon light through the window…embracing her beauty. If you are in love…it’s the best sight…watching your love sleeping right next to you…feeling secure in your arms.

I moved very close to her…so close that I was breathing in her breathe. I slowly started kissing her modestly all over her face…very small and minute ones…so that I don’t wake her up. Then I went to her cheeks…started blinking my eyes…so that my eyelashes were the only thing touching her cheeks. It was one of the most awe-inspiring feelings…it brought a little smile to her face…she knew that only I did this to her…to make her feel better…to make her feel wonderful…to make her feel loved ( for everyone out there in love…do try this…it’s my unique way to say…I love u). For a moment I even forgot the anonymous uneasiness that was disquieting me.

The weekend got over and it was Monday, August 3rd 2009 and it was time for me to leave for Mysore from Bangalore. I had to catch the early bus to Mysore otherwise I would have been late for that day’s work. I was busy tying the laces in a hurry…when…suddenly…I realized…droplets on my shoe. To my surprise…it was nothing else but my own tears. I could not believe myself…there was a smile on my face and tears in my eyes at the same time. She was standing across the room by the window. I looked at her through my tears…but to my shock…this time…for the very first time…she didn’t care to wipe them off. Everything that was circulating in my mind and body…from the night…started converging towards a centre…finally. I began to realize…began to understand…that this was all God’s plan…He was trying to make me understand throughout the night…that the one whom I am watching in a peaceful sleep…was about to snatch away my PEACE forever.

My heart began to sink…I gathered all what was left in me and walked towards her. She shattered me by saying, “Shammi…I am moving to Pune…and I guess this is the last time that we are meeting”. Every cell in my body cried out…every spore screamed… ‘why Suhan why!!!’. What did I do to deserve this? If loving and caring for someone insanely was a crime…then I was a criminal. I always told her, “the day you find someone better than me…you can go ahead and leave me”. I don’t know whether she found someone else or not…but yeah she did leave me. From that very day onwards…I m leading a fake life…to the extent…that today I don’t recognize which one of my emotion is real or fake. Every time I confront with the wind…a burning sensation lights me up…as if someone has put me on fire. There are days…when I sit n think n become silent…to the point that I want my head to blast into pieces. I feel as if I am beginning to lose myself and will end up in a mental asylum one day. And then there are those nights…on which…my wet pillow quietly informs me that I washed away the whole night with my tears. There are moments when I feel like…I should go to her and slap her for what she made of me and my life…but the very next moment I realize that I am in so much love with that soul that I even can’t imagine shouting at her. Without you…even the oxygen begins to suffocate me. Everything that is a PAIN today…was the only reason for my HAPPINESS once.

Someday I’ll go out in the open… ask the vultures…to come…and bite me…eat my flesh…bite by bite…instigate pain…just to get rid of THAT pain. One of my friends asked, “Is she still with you”…to which I always reply…yeah still with me…in me…as my soul. People say move on…forget her…to which I have one reply…I have moved on..it’s just that I can’t forget the only reason for my existence. It’s more like…whatever you say…the frequencies or the words always remain in the atmosphere…My love for her is more like that…It will remain…FOREVER. If ever I try to forget her…I find it difficult to LIVE…to BREATHE.

Every day I get up…the first thing I do…is to remember you. Every day when I go to bed…I think of you. Every time I eat…my first bite is for you. Every time I worship…I pray for you. Every time I read…I read your lines. Every time I hear…I want to hear you voice. Every time I smell…I want it to be your fragrance. Every time I close my eyes…I see you. Every time I see myself… I think I am alive…just for you. And if that’s not enough…every time I breathe…I just breathe for you…

Please relieve me of this pain and if not…then free me of this human life.

It’s now that when I want to take my heart back…I realize that it’s dissolved in you.

Chalo then nikalata hu….time to go out in the wind and see how much it burns today…

No GOODBYES today…It’s a SAD PAINFUL END…but still…

For all those who are in PAIN,

For all those who love someone like insane,

For all those who can’t let go,

For all those who will Love them FOREVER,

And

For all those who will die with their LOVE…

It’s not a GOODBYE…

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han no questions please…

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL