20

The FISHBOWL

It was dark and crowded. The DJ was in his groove and the music was too loud for my eardrums. The neon and laser lights kept on flashing and at times irritating me. Though the room had varied beauties dancing off to the latest numbers my eyes were still in search of something else. Everything that I was seeing didn’t seem to excite me.

They (eyes) started scanning the room from one end to the other slowly following a green laser light. The freshness of the sweat glistened faces had long gone. The intoxicated arms were beginning to loose rhythm and were now not in sync with the electro mix that was screeching through the human sized speakers.

Suddenly I felt there was a gaze constantly fixated on me. I took a sip of the single malt (my second large) and tried to follow it but the inebriated swaying bodies were making it difficult.

The DJ changed the track and made a hand gesture in the dark. A help in the form of a spotlight appeared. It kept flashing on random people till the time it was on her. It didn’t seem random anymore.

She was in a white breezy summer dress, something perfect for the weather and occasion, standing near the bar counter. Her gaze was still on me. If it would have been some other day, I might have felt uncomfortable but on that day the confidence was there in the right place (thanks to single malt). The moment her gaze met mine, her lips responded with seduction. She was like a true magnet and I, like a raw iron piece, started getting attracted towards her.

Unconsciously my feet started moving towards those eyes. I couldn’t care for the crowd, the pushing or the shoving. The hypnotized me kept moving on. I stopped a good three feet away from her. Smile was a permanent feature of her exquisite face. I realized my lips were already resonating with the shape of her lips.

I was yet to speak to her but something in her face especially her eyes through her round retro spectacles suggested that she was yet to consume any alcohol. For some strange reason I felt she doesn’t belong here and blurted, “Are you looking for someone?”

She moved her red lips and answered, “YOU”.

The ‘you’ echoed in my head. I felt this couldn’t be real and I had to regain my senses. I kept my drink glass on the counter and took a glass of water and guzzled it in a single go. She was watching me patiently.

“Yes you heard it right. I am looking for you”, She said playfully. There was calmness about her face and was sexy in a soothing kind of way. She was flawlessly beautiful.

“Do you like such crowded soulless places”, she asked.

“Not usually. Only with my friends”, I replied.

“Then how come you are alone today? What brings you here?” she questioned.

“I guess for the same reason that brings you here”, I responded.

“Oh! That means you are here for ME”, She said and broke into a gracious laughter. I was matching her giggle by giggle, mesmerized by the serene sight.

We both had signed up with a dating app, which after proper scrutiny of profiles organized events where singles could meet up. Their interview process was like obtaining a job offer.

“It is getting late and I don’t like it here. Shall we go to my place”, She asked. Though it was a question but she already knew the answer. After clearing the cheque we exited from the place and reached the car park and from there drove to her expensive high-rise apartment.

I know what you are thinking but she was way too classy to be an escort or something of that sort (at least that is what I thought).

It was a huge apartment, which was very tastefully done. We sat in the living room on the smooth plushy couch.

“Would you prefer whiskey or some wine”; She was being a good host.

She poured some wine for herself too. We sat there, chatted and had our wine late into the night. It was too blurry to exactly remember the time when we started melting into each other. She maintained great poise doing everything.

We made insane carnal love. It was pure bliss at least her expressions suggested. Completely spent we both dozed off with her head snuggling into my chest.

A tickling sensation broke my slumber. It was her hand on my chest. She was awake as if she never slept. We again started sharing talks.

I asked, “What do you like as in hobbies and all?”

She looked outside the window. The morning was just round the corner. She turned around towards me with a naughty smile and said, “Morning sex”.

Right after the morning session of love making just when that feeling of love and affection was about to sow its seed, she said, “Could you please do a favor for me?”

“Please go ahead”, I replied.

Photo by Sadiq Nafee on Unsplash

She handed me a small piece of paper and said, “Please write your name on this”.

“That’s it”, I said still unable to make anything of it. I wrote my name on the piece of paper and handed it over to her.

She kissed the piece of paper and put it in a flashy fishbowl that was kept on an antique table right next to the window.

“What happened? Why did you do that? And why doesn’t this Fishbowl contain any fish and more importantly Why are there so many pieces of paper inside it”, I quizzed.

She stood there quietly. My expression told her that she would not get away without giving an answer.

She replied, “The pieces of paper in the Fishbowl contain all the names of men that I have made love to.”

For all those who have been in such scenarios,

For all those who have made morning love,

For all those who have fallen for beauty,

And

For all those who still believe in true love.

It’s not a Goodbye…

But it’s a GOOD BYE.

Manas “Sameer” Mukul

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12

CSAAM April 2011 – The BLEMISHED Buds…

The BLEMISHED Buds…

I was Strolling down the market…suddenly saw her. As soon as she spotted me in the crowd, she shouted out my name. She crossed the road and came to me. She was my friend and like friends do we did share secrets. The weather was gloomy with a depressive kind of touch to it. I told her…lets walk to the hostel as it was getting late. I could feel that there was a sense of restlessness in her that day. I enquired but she refused to say anything. It started raining. We started walking fast…but suddenly I realised she was holding my hand in a firm grip…an unusual one. I looked at her…but initially I was not able to realize and I asked her…what happened??? Her voice began to crack and I saw tears in her eyes in spite of the rain. She said,” I want to tell you something…I want to get the heaviness off my chest…I have been suffering from a long time and now I cannot take it anymore.” If anyone knows me…knows that I (Me) can never see tears in anyone’s eyes…and decided to listen to my friend’s grief.

She began, and what she told me blew me off completely. I have heard and read about child molestation before as well but it shook me to the core to know how she was molested and crushed since her childhood by her own uncle. She said that “when she was very young about 12-13, her uncle (father’s elder brother) along with his family visited them for a ceremony. She got dressed for the event…he saw her…complimented her…told her that she was looking like a princess…like Cinderella. As a normal kid of that age would do…she became very happy. He told her that he has got a special gift for her and for that she will have to come with him. He took her to the first floor…everyone was busy with each other in the backyard where the main gathering was. He closed the door of the room and raped that child’s innocence”. This enraged me…her hands started to tremble…I wasn’t able to believe to what I was actually listening. She told me that her uncle, the monster committed this HEINOUS act on six different occasions. Recalling all this and just writing about it is killing me… just picture what it would have done to her since that day on…and will continue to eat her up till the end of her life. Even if she tells anyone…even if they manage to punish that hideous swine…but no one on earth will be able to erase the scars it would have left…on her mind…on her body…and on her soul. She told me, “today he came and spoke to her dad about getting her shifted to his city for further education and her dad agreed.” She is shattered now and can’t even tell her dad what the reason for her denial is.

I was astonished at the way a girl, a child is bound by the norms of society, how she cannot confront anyone for her rights, her existence, and her lost innocence. There is nothing new to whatsoever I have mentioned till now. Finally after consoling her, When I went back to my room…I read a lot similar incidences and one of which made me feel disgusted to the extent of hating the human race altogether.

A small family…parents with one girl child…father unemployed…was left upon the mother to take care of the family…to feed them. She used to go to work daily while the father was responsible for taking care of the girl during the day. After some time the mother noticed that the child was always keeping quite. She hardly heard her voice. Seeing all this, the mother got very disturbed and decided to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist understood the whole situation…she gave the girl two dolls and asked her to show to her what her father did with her when her mother was not around. The mother got shocked at the question itself. She was in a state of disbelief to what her daughter showed. She very well knew that her daughter is too small to understand and make up, what kind of acts the child is depicting with the help of dolls. Astonished…shattered…devastated she took her traumatized child in her arms…embraced her tightly…n kept crying forever. Later on, she divorced and filed a case against that inhumane…psycho of man she was married to.

We live in a society where we know, gruesome acts like this take place but often we tend to do nothing about it. In many situations, the mother has the knowledge of what a father is doing to her child but she keeps quite…just for the sake of it…for the name of the family. Many such childhoods have been crushed…have been abused to quench the sexual thirst of demons.

In about 75% of the cases it is someone very close to the child…to the family who commits a disgraceful act like rape, molestation or sexual exploitation. We cannot completely stop this…but at least we can make an attempt to prevent such things from happening. For example, if someone acts overtly friendly with you or your child…it is the first sign to get cautioned. These days because of many factors, the kids are reaching puberty way too early than before and this is where the role of parents becomes more crucial. It is the parent’s responsibility to realize when a brother and sister should stop sleeping in the same room (think about it). I am not saying anyone or everyone is like this but just remember it is your child’s whole life which is at stake. Remember that old saying, “Bache to bhagwan ka roop hote hai” (kids are like God). It’s because they are as pure as the Ganges…as innocent as the God can be. Once you sexually abuse a Child…it is like perpetrating the same with GOD.

Children are like those young n lively buds…which once blemished…will never blossom again.

For all those who love kids,

For all those who hate such crimes,

For all those who are against such acts,

For all those who will prevent such things from happening,

And

For all those who think a child is like a God

It’s not a Goodbye…
But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han create and spread awareness against child sexual abuse so that no more Bud is Blemished ever again.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL