21

THE FIRST 100 KISSES…

THE FIRST 100 KISSES… 

I offered her water because to my surprise it was more than 6 hours that she last had it. We (Paplu, She and me) were traveling from Ghaziabad to Lucknow in Gomti Express. Kanpur arrived… Paplu left …aur meri Fattee. I was left high and dry with the daunting task of taking her to my place and from there helping her to reach Varanasi (her home). I was beginning to feel numb and was getting deprived of any new thoughts. So I again offered her water…which saw the same fate as my last attempt. I couldn’t resist the temptation…and asked her… why was she avoiding any fluids and that too for so long? Initially she avoided by looking outside the window of the coach but I persisted. She finally replied, “Haven’t you seen ads on TV?” I know you didn’t get this one…actually I; on the first place was left clueless, what was she talking about?

She sensed it… and decrypted it by saying,” Haven’t you seen ads on TV related ‘only’ to girls?” Now here was my clue… and this time it didn’t take me so much time to understand that this was ‘that time of the month’ for her. “I am without any protection”, she exclaimed. I was left dumbstruck… since we were just acquaintances from college…not even friends… and for the first time in my life…a girl was conversing with me on such an intimate subject. I did not utter a single word till we reached Lucknow. She requested,” we will get down once everyone in the coach has left. I tried to guess her mental state and hence complied with what she said. She took the big bag by herself and asked me to walk just behind her and……not to look ‘there’.

We reached home around 1 30 am and to my surprise…my father and sister were still awake. I signaled 😉 to my sister to behave as if it was my custom to bring girls to my place at this time of the night. I could sense my father’s emotions and sentiments…but really appreciate the way they welcomed her. After dinner everyone went off to sleep… at least everyone pretended to.

The next morning my father left early for office, she was still fast asleep. At 11:00 am my sister’s friend came over…by this time Ma’am was awake and had had her breakfast. I was sitting in the TV room…fiddling with the remote…preoccupied with thoughts of yesterday’s events…what would be going through my father’s mind…what my sister would be thinking of me n all. Right then…Ms ‘unprotected’ came to the room and sat on the other side of the bed. Because of what happened a day ago…I could say that we were now friends. Suddenly, she crawls across the bed…sits right next…close to me… too close for comfort. Out of the blue she questioned,” Manas!! What is the difference between a Kiss and a Smooch?” (You should have seen my expression 😀 :D)

A guy with no prior experience of ‘any’ kind with a girl was asked such a question. Expressionless…I stammered, “Have you seen the movie Black? What Amitabh does to Rani was a smooch and the rests are classified as kisses.” Ma’am was far from satisfied. She leant forward…kept her head on the pillow in my lap…facing me…whispered, “Karke batao”. I simply FROZZZZZZE. Failing to come up with the next move, I got up and left the room…and the house.

I returned in an hour or so and straightway went to the computer room on the first floor. Ma’am came to the room, accompanied by my sister. As soon as I saw her, I said, “The bus to Varanasi leaves in 2 hours…please be ready”. My sister left and went to the kitchen. ‘The Ghost of kissing’ came back to life once again. More desperate this time, she kept on insisting…I lost my temper…slapped her right across her face (not joking). She started weeping uncontrollably. I was in a muddled situation…with my sister downstairs…a girl weeping in my room…what will my sister make of this scene…I was beginning to fear the worse…and that is when I decided to give in.

I was getting ready for my ‘SEMI CONSENSUAL RAPE’ (I coined this term especially for this) … moving backwards…finding no more space to go…stood upright against the wall…closed my eyes…tight…and muttered, “Ek karlo…Jaldi se”. She came within an inch of me…so close that I was able to feel her breathe…my eyes still closed…she took my face in her hands…and slowly planted a kiss on my lips…before sliding her tongue. I instantly came back to my senses…eyes wide open…pushed her back. There was no stopping her…Ms ‘Puchhi’ was far from over; she pushed me to the bed…pounced on me…tasting and salivating…my lips…tongue…ears…and face…as if I was a piece of ‘Black Forest’. I was beginning to realize that it actually was not bad…a sexy, sultry gal was busy licking me (my face 😉 ) and I was feeling guilty … feeling sorry for no reason.

The time was right for her to put the final nail in the coffin. For a brief…we parted…she didn’t take a second and dropped the hydrogen bomb… I love… … Mr. A. I, on the other hand who was still gasping for breathe, being so naïve in those days, couldn’t understand what all was happening. The covetousness in her was yet not satisfied and before I could have got hold of the situation…she resumed to her wild and passionate ways. Realizing that we won’t be able to be like this in college, she said, “Let me make it up for you for the coming four years…we will complete a century”. Returning back to the business…she started kissing…and I was counting 😉 and we kissed A HUNDRED TIMES.

We boarded the bus from Lucknow bus station to Varanasi. In a way it became my obligation to drop her safely to her home…the one who gave me my FIRST KISS. She even went on to saying that, “Mere Solah Somwar ke vrat Tumhare nam”…and being the chu*** that I was…I actually believed her. Once the college re-opened she simply ignored me….never ever spoke to me…except for the time when she came to tell me that we don’t have a future. Within three days…I went from being accepted…to being loved and kissed by someone…just to be left SHATTERED.

For all those who have been kissed,

For all those who have kissed,

For all those who were betrayed,

For all those who were left shattered

And

For all those who were kissed a hundred times…

It’s not a GOODBYE…

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han a few years later she did apologize to me for my semi consensual rape.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

8

The Last STEP…

The Last STEP…

Ting tong …. Ting tong….it was the doorbell, my sister who was busy uploading photographs on facebook from her friend’s birthday party last night shouted out ,”mummy, can you check who’s there at the door?” “Han Han beta, main to tumhare baap ki naukar hoon na!!” was mom’s reply….as she was busy preparing dinner. Ting tong…..Ting tong….Now, my sister was getting on my mom’s nerves….she knew that mom gets irritated very easily and I don’t know why but she always did this for fun.

Mom washed her hands off in a hurry. She came to the living room where Nidhi (my sister) had already begun the process of tagging her friends in the pics she had just uploaded. Mom had an angry look on her face and Nidhi……..as usual had a smile to tease her a bit. Mom glanced at the wall clock…it was 6 o’clock in the evening. She murmured to herself ,’who that might be’…but my ever-so-active sister heard her….and said ,”Dekho Geeta aunty to nahi aa gayi fir se tumhe kisi kirtan pe invite karne”. Geeta aunty is our neighbor, who always had one or two reason to borrow our mom from us…. Mom was furious now……..but….Ting tong.

It was indeed Geeta aunty at the door but this time, to my mom’s surprise, with a worrying look on her face……tears started rolling down her cheeks…..my mom’s expressions changed from irritated to worried…..a bit more tense. She held my mom’s hand and took her out of the apartment. They reached the ground floor…..and ….what mom saw made her scream ……scream…..scream…..and she fainted.

Two weeks ago…..

I was very eagerly waiting for my MBA results. It was supposed to be announced today by 5 pm. I was nervous to the point that it seemed the clock has stopped……I looked for the 50th time at the clock in the past 30 mins…… and was really getting tired of refreshing the result page. It was down because of overload. I was dying to see my results as I had given everything this time around ….. my career, time, money….everything…..i had resigned from my job a month back….and had no other options left to do. It was my last hope…

Suddenly the green lines on the progress bar started increasing……I closed my eyes…prayed …..and …..it was only 75 percentile……yes it was only 75 percentile….i could not believe it…..the amount of effort , the way my exam went …. I was pretty sure to score above 95 percentile and get admission to a decent college….but destiny , fate ,  god  whatever you may call it……had another plans. I was devastated and completely broke.

The present …..but a few minutes ago….

Climbing the stairs to my roof ……I thought to myself …. What next to do Mr. Overconfident……..Mr Ass****…..you put everything on the line …everything. I sat on the water tank of our apartment…..the view from there was truly mesmerizing. The sun setting in the background…small kids playing in the lawns… ladies gossiping … Men returning from work.

But there was something unique that day… the scene was too perfect as if I was watching a movie. I was suddenly noticing every minute detail that was there to be seen. The whole scenery made me forget what I was thinking… yes yes … I remember…what next…this was the only thing that overburdened my mind for the past two weeks… My life had suddenly become blank… i had nowhere to go…

Slowly and slowly I began to realize that I am nothing but 25 years of failures n failures… I was a COMPLETE LOSER… I realized that how I had never made my parents proud of myself… one or two consolations prizes here n there… thats it… i lost my only love last year… my parents were divorced… and I could not do anything about it. The only thing … the only hope that kept my mom alive was … that… someday she’ll see her son standing tall and successful… but I failed her too… i had failed everyone in my life…

I sat there and saw the sun setting on my life… by now the wind had a nervous feel to it… my palms became moist… my heart sank… I stood up… went to the edge of the building… took my mom’s name… closed my eyes… saw her face and took the LAST STEP……

By the time I made contact with the ground…my whole life flashbacked. The next thing I realized was …i was lying in a pool of blood… I could see the bone of my thigh tore my muscle and skin and came out… i could not feel any of my limbs … realizing that this was my last… i took one last breathe…saw my Goddess… my mother, screaming my name…and everything blacked out…..

For all those who have been successful,

For all those who have seen failure,

For all those who have won,

For all those who have lost,

For all those who want to win,

For all those who still have hope

And

For all those who will SUCCEED….

Its not a GOODBYE,

But it’s a GOOD BYE….aur han never think of taking this step.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

31

Most PRECIOUS GIFT of God…

Most PRECIOUS GIFT of God to me

In the summer of 1987, God consecrated me with his best creation. I felt blessed with his Gift. I don’t remember the actual events but I do remember the moment I touched her tender soft hands…I felt alive. She was as beautiful as a mermaid; her marble cheeks with a tinge of redness would have made even the mermaids jealous of her. My father was the happiest…he always wanted a girl…yes it’s no mystery now that I am talking about my little sister.

Meri BITTI when she was just 6 months old

Her round face, flat nose, the toothless smile, soft n little hands, tiny feet…made it hard for everyone to resist loving her. I still remember whenever anyone came to pick her up I would not let it happen and start shouting ‘Meri Bitti’ ‘Meri Bitti’. My parents named her ‘SHRADDHA’ and her nickname was ‘Nidhi’ but for some reason it was always ‘Bitti’ for me. I guess it was because papa called her bitiya and this was the best I could pronounce. All these years she just had one name for me…BHAI…from a creaky little googly woogly voice…to a more confident and firm…but it never changed to anything other than BHAI.

For an infant she was very lazy. She was hardly heard crying…one always found her napping. When she started crawling she would somehow make it to ten feet…then doze off for 30 mins…again crawl…again doze off. When papa slept she would come across and bite his right foot thumb…just to let him know that she was there…he would very happily take her to his chest…where she would again doze off.

Years passed…we grew up together…quarrelling over the tiniest of issues…while laughing over the bigger ones. There were days we won’t speak to each other…knowing that we can’t live without talking too. I was always unhappy of the fact that I never went to school on bicycle as it was my responsibility to go ‘to n fro’ with her and she, even to this day, doesn’t know how to ride a bicycle. But, now, when I look back…I think it made our bond even better and stronger.

There is no Diwali…there is no Holi without her…and if she is around, no day is less than a festival. Her heart is as pure as the sacred Ganges, filled with warmth even for her enemies. Over the years…sometimes she showers the blessing of a mother…loves you like a girlfriend…takes care of you like a wife…is always there for me like a true friend…even does the irritating and painful job of reviewing my articles…but nothing can beat the innocence with which she fights with you like a sister…and then start weeping.

Today (18th june 2011) when she is about to embark a new phase in her life…when she is about to befriend a foreign land…when she is about to begin her career…I won’t let my tears become a shackle…I won’t tell her how much I’ll miss her…I won’t let her know what she means to me and my life. I know I am very poor with emotions …in fact ‘hopeless’. Her words still bring me to reality, “Bhai…you have a heart of stone…you don’t shed tears…you heart is even dried of any emotion.” To which I just have one reply…“BITTI….YOU ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT OF GOD TO ME”.

Dedicate this to you brothers and sisters….if you find it hard like me to express emotions.

For all those who love their siblings,

For all those who have quarreled with them,

For all those who worry for them,

For all those who are over protective like me,

For all those who care for them,

And

For all those who are stone hearted like me.

Its not a GOODBYE….

But it’s a GOOD BYE….aur han express your love to them.

Manas “SAMEER” Mukul.