2

The Curious Case of TINDER Girls

The Curious Case of Tinder Girls…

Boy swipes right…Girl swipes right…It’s a MATCH!!!

Tinder boy: hey! H r u

Tinder girl: hiiiieeeee…I am good…u tell

Tinder boy: what are u looking for…here…

Tinder girl: nothing much…just friends…

Friends…Friends…Friends…

The boy would be friend-zoned here as well!!

Are you single?

Are you fed up of your single status?

Do you want to date someone?

Are you on tinder?

Have you ever tried any online dating apps?

Have you never ever found anyone online?

Then this one is for you.

For everyone’s benefit I would just define what tinder is; it is an online dating app where you can like or dislike someone just by looking at their pictures and a small bio. If that person also likes you…then you become a match…and you can proceed to chat with each other and in that process hopefully get to know and fall in love with each other.

I won’t lie and shy away…but I did try the app myself. Unfortunately I lucked out in finding anyone who can find my pic likeable enough to swipe right on me 😀 but I was fortunate enough to come across a number of profiles after every 12 hours and here are the types of girls the joker saw there.

Emma Stone is on Tinder! (Stop using a celebrity pic)

The Celebrity DP

I really request to all the girls out there who really want to try out tinder (or for that matter any app) for dating please upload your real pictures. That would help. I mean that would seriously help. We definitely know that Emma Stones and Alia Bhatts of the world won’t be using Tinder to date or find love. Lets assume even if they are, do you think that we don’t know how we look that we will fall in your trap? 😀 So stop using a celebrity pic. Just remember you are beautiful in your own way and the right person will like you the way you are. Anyway…there are many (guys) who swipe right (Like) on all the profiles.

The less the merrier (DP with four other girls)

Talking about display pictures, there is a certain section that, I don’t know why, uploads DPs with more than one girl in them. I mean I know that I would love to date more than one girl, but again it will be of great help to know which one is actually you…to whom the profile belongs out of that selfie, which contains four beautiful damsels. No offence…but I would whole-heartedly try to convey to them that even if you feel that you aren’t that attractive…you don’t have to hide behind a group. Just be you.

The Quotation DP

The landscape or the quote girl

Then there is this third kind who will end up putting quotation or landscape pic or no pic as their DPs. I totally believe that, I wouldn’t want to date a landscape or a quotation…I guess you can understand that this sentence even doesn’t make any sense. You simply miss the logic of the dating app, which is based on the likeability (read hotness) of someone’s face/body and how can someone be interested in you when you don’t even put a picture, which even showcases a face. Please…you need to understand that we guys have a limited quota of free likes and in the rush of liking everyone…we don’t want to like a landscape.

It’s a simple bio not an essay

These apps definitely give you a chance to redeem yourself, if you aren’t able to attract someone just on your face value. There is a small bio (about me) section where you can write things about yourself…your likes and dislikes…hobbies and other related stuff. Some girls just take this section too seriously. They will end up putting a 300 words essay as if to compensate on what they didn’t achieve during their boards exam. Do you seriously think that boys really read that much…did I say that much…actually boys hardly care what you have written in your bio…especially if it is this long. The ironical part of these long bios is that most of them usually have a last line saying I don’t want to write much here. The guy is almost dead by then.

Everybody is a traveller

Choose one

I am of a kind…who usually goes through the bios. I believe the most overused term these days, which you might end up reading in almost every bio, is that they are ‘travellers’ (for this one I am including the boys as well). Firstly it is already a misunderstood term but that’s not important here. The laughable part comes when you actually chat with them and you come to know that they might not have travelled ever in a train/plane or worse…they would have not even left their city ever and still they have the audacity to call themselves travellers. I wonder how can someone highlight transporting in metros and local buses as travelling.

The Sapiosexual kind

One incredible advantage of skimming through these bios is that your vocabulary is definitely going to improve. You will come across all kinds of jazzy fancy intellectual words. One such word, which actually stands out is ‘Sapiosexual’. Off late I have seen this word being used a lot in bios, which literally makes me laugh. For people who don’t know, sapiosexual means one who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. Ma’am you really think you are sapiosexual then stop swiping right for it virtually and go seek the truth in reality. I guess when you write a word like Sapiosexual in your bio on an app which focuses on face value…I don’t know whether you find intelligence or not but it definitely speaks a lot about your intelligence quotient.

Just looking for friends (P.S. I am not looking for dating/hookup)

One interesting line you are going to see in about 70-80% of the bios is that they are just looking for friendship. And on top of that they will explicitly mention that they aren’t looking for dating/hookup. I literally fail to understand that, then why ma’am why…why the hell are you on a dating app on the first place. I hope there are enough friends already in your life and even if they aren’t…tinder isn’t a place to find one. Just for one moment think about that poor guy…who is serial victim of being friend-zoned by every girl he know out there in the physical world. The only resort left for him is to try these dating apps and you are not going to spare him there also. I don’t know about you but he definitely didn’t sign up on tinder to be friend-zoned there as well. Right!!

What to make of profile like these

Entertainment or promotion or simply validation

A study says about 20% of the girls on tinder aren’t there for dating and about the same amount are there just for entertainment. These kinds of girls are there for the simple purpose of entertainment. I have come across many of my friends as well who end up saying that they are on tinder just for fun (not that kind of fun 😉 ). They used it because they were getting bored and instead of doing anything else they like swiping on tinder. Some of them are there just for the sake of validation of their current hotness…whether people are still finding them likeable and how many people have swiped right on their pics. Then there is this lot…that likes to promote them. In their bios you will find their instagram ids, their snapchat ids and all the possible social media ids on which they have a profile. Poor guys!!!

The ones who want their business to flourish (pro-fess-titutes)

Sometimes I feel that on Tinder there are more of those kinds, who want to make a quick buck rather than actually looking for dating or friendship, especially in metropolitans or in international locations. The moment you have their profile on your screen you know for what purpose it is there. Some awesomely hot pic with negligible clothing with their prices in their bios. I let you know one comical thing how these workingwomen…put out their contact numbers. They will never write like 9876 it will be mostly like nine eight seven so that their profiles are not caught in algorithms preventing such profiles.

The guy angle

Then there is this epidemic problem where the guys will have their profiles in the girls section. I wonder how difficult it is to select the correct gender out of just two options. And how can you expect other guys to swipe right on your profile unless they themselves are seeking the same gender. There will be some who will pose as girls themselves. These guys don’t know that we already have this instinct that the moment a profile matches to our profile 99% of the time we assume it to be a fake profile. I mean we see ourselves daily…how can somebody swipe right on us. If somebody swipes right we would go to any extent to find out the genuineness of that profile. Plus I don’t understand those guys who pose…because if we match…what do they get out of a romantic conversation with other guy assuming that the other might be straight. 😀

I know I know I have used a lot of stereotypes in this one. But all you feminists out there before you just decide that this guy shouldn’t have a right to live…or simply want to pick up your gun and shoot me…this was all in good fun.

For everyone else I would say if you are using an online medium to find date or love. Just be you. Say things and behave in the manner you would have in a real physical world. Smile please and happy dating.

For all those who are on tinder,

For all those who date online,

For all those who date in the physical world,

For all those who are too shy to go out there,

For all those who are seeking it online,

And

For all those who have found love online…

It’s not a GOODBYE,

But its a GOOD BYE…aur han…Keep swiping…you never know what you find out there.

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

 

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13

The 28 ‘Something’ Bachelor

This Post is among the 12 Best Blog Posts of 2015 in India.

Best Blogposts of 2015


The 28 ‘Something’ Bachelor…

Are you 28 years old or above??
Are you single??
Do you get nervous these days before you login into social media with the fear of somebody posting a status or a pic of their engagement…marriage or even the birth of their child??
Are you avoiding paying a visit to your relatives??
Or are you simply fed up ducking the question of WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?? Then this one is truly for you.

Remember the famous dialogue from the Rani Mukherji starrer movie ‘Hum Tum’ where she ends up confronting, ‘Jab tak ek ladki ki shadi nahi ho jati…logon ko chain kyu nahi padta’ (why doesn’t anyone finds peace till the time a girl gets married) but I personally believe it holds true for everyone. I think life isn’t as easy as everyone thinks for boys even.

The Settle down logic

The moment you are in that age bracket everyone from your mausi (aunt) to your chachi (Another aunt)…from your milkman to even your maid ask or I should say poke you with the same question or to put it nicely with a caring suggestion, “Beta why don’t you get married now?” why don’t you settle down, as if I am a dust particle and the only motto of life is to settle down at a place. Unknown…Unseen…Unheard people appear from all corners of the world with their logic of why one should get married and they try to convince you with all their might. I think if you ask a person who has been married for let’s say about 50 years…I am sure he/she won’t be able to answer the question how can marriage be related to the concept whether a guy is settled or not?

Image ref: suburbanbachelor.wordpress.com

Image ref: suburbanbachelor.wordpress.com

‘Budhape ka sahara’  (Old age policy) 

If you try really…and I mean really hard to explain your side of the logic of why you are not getting married…some of them actually end up agreeing with you but then come up with their own philosophy of, ‘Beta!! We understand that these days marriages are not lasting as long as they used to but don’t think about the present…think a little ahead…think about the future when you will be 45-50 years old.’ ‘Then at that age you will surely need someone to share your morning walks and evening talks.’ But then how can one make these people understand that if anybody wants someone at that age then he/she can find someone of that age…at that age…rather than screwing up your life some twenty odd years before.

‘Responsibility se bhag rahe ho’ (You don’t want to shoulder your responsibilities)

The third most common ‘stirrer’ used by the world against you…or in other words for you to get married is that you are running away from your responsibilities and you don’t want to shoulder them. At times it angers me but most of the time it muses me when someone says this to my face…because the same people forget…what the hell a guy is doing when he tries to fulfill his parent’s dreams of becoming a successful person…how is he running away when he is the one who is already taking care of his parents and closed ones or will be taking care of you in your old age. According to these people the only logic which survives is that ‘if a guy is married…he is responsible otherwise he is just a loafer who is busy dodging bullets of responsibilities.’

‘Shadi ki ek age hoti hai’ (The right age for marriage factor)

Everybody has plans…and he might also have some plans…and marriage might not be on the cards on an immediate basis. Having said that, I know, there is a right age for marriage and if the plunge is not taken at the right time, it will surely have an effect on the ‘Quality’ of offspring but given the current lifestyle and the expenses of settling in a metro requires some planning…some savings and a lot of mental toughness. What if the guy is simply not mentally ready??? In any case these days’ people are deciding to get married at a later age when they feel that they have at least tried to cover all the corners.

‘Kab tak akele rahoge – khana kaun banayega’ (Till when you will stay alone…and for God sake who will cook for you)

I guess the day my mom realized that my dad can’t even put on a gas stove she decided that her son will be able to suffice all his cooking needs. Still the so called caring relatives…the ones whose life is already hell…try to make sure…yours is surely one too. ‘Now that you are already have a good job…a four-wheeler…and you have already booked a flat…why don’t you get married?’ ‘At least when you return from work someone will be there to share your day and more importantly till when will you cook by yourself.’ My logic, if I have to stay…’happily married’…in a big city…both the partners need to work to meet out the expenses and the expectations and in that case a maid needs to prepare the meals for both of us…so if I have to eat maid cooked food after marriage too…why not let me cook my meal…and stay… ‘Happily unmarried’ 😉 .

‘Duniya kya kahegi…jarur ussi me kuch kami hogi…baal bhi kam ho rahe hai’ (The world will think that there is surely something wrong with him only…and more importantly you are losing hair day by day)

If you take too much time to decide on your marriage…the world will think that there is certainly something wrong with you. Some may come up with wild medical guesses others will somehow link this to your old heartbreaks and believe me this definitely happens. Even your friends begin to taunt you, ‘bhai sab kuch thik hai na…kabhi field me cricket ball to nahi lag gayi’ (is everything totally fine with you medically). My simple reply to this is a silent…stern…smile.
Then there are the ones who really treat you as their son. The moment you reach their place they will have a newspaper cutting saved for you with new Ayurvedic hair oil, which can increase obviously your hair growth. And you slowly fold that paper…into your pocket…with a genuinely ‘fake’ smile…’Ji aunty main kal hi ye tel kharid leta hu’ (I’ll definitely buy this one tomorrow). But I don’t blame them only…it’s the ‘awesome’ mindset of our society that the moment a guy starts losing his hair…he is considered old…an uncle. I really pitied my cousin who had to get a hair transplant just to get married…sad.

The ones who have taken the plunge also begin to push

Even the ones with whom you have shared your childhood…your bruises…your secrets and your memories begin to push you to get married. Sometimes for the simple reason because they themselves don’t want to be the one who have to swallow the pill alone. ‘Yaar tu kab tak akela rahega…bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’. You call them in the middle of the night with some of your issues and the only resolve they will come up with is, ‘Bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’. You will say…these days I don’t find interest in office with the profile that I am handling…and their reply, ‘Bhai!! Ab tu shadi kar le’ (Dude!! Get married).

Infact these days…some of the long-lost friends ping me only, either to share their CVs so that I can refer them or to check on me…when I am actually getting married. My ‘bhabhis’ (Sister-in-laws) have found even a newer way to harass…every time I wish them…their only blessing is ‘Jaldi shadi ho bhaiya’ instead of ‘Jeete rahiye bhaiya’. I remember recently attending a school friend’s marriage and out of all the friends who turned up…I was the one who was single…but I guess that should not be the reason to get married…Right!!!

Image ref: prokod.com.tr

Image ref: prokod.com.tr

The Emotional Attyachar

The list will never end for the singles out there…but the last one…the big one…which I believe the parents use to get daughters as well as their sons married is ‘the emotional attyachar’ (the emotional blackmail). ‘Beta!! Hum marne se pehle pote-poti ka muh dekhna chahte hai’. It’s so pathetic that they use their death to blackmail their kid for marriage…leave alone their choice for the marriage. It’s so convenient for them…they decide all your childhood…they decide more or less what career you choose. I believe the decision with whom you want to spend your life with…whether you want to spend it with someone or not should be yours.

For all those who are going to ask me after reading this whether I am actually going to get married is, my reply would be, ‘Arrange marriage main karunga nhi…aur pyar humse koi karta nahi’

For all those who are 28 years old or more,

For all those who face similar issues,

For all those who are married,

For all those who are bachelors,

And

For all those who believe Singlehood is awesome

It’s not a GOODBYE,
But its a GOOD BYE…Aur han…Believe me I still believe in the institution of Marriage…

Manas ‘Sameer’ Mukul

10

The ALIEN BRIDGE

The ALIEN BRIDGE…

It was a very humid night. The sleep eluded me because of the muggy and sticky weather. The summer power cut made merry while it was irritating for me. I was getting twitchy and restless to the extent that I decided to take a bit of stroll round the terrace. The sky was getting murkier and murkier…the rain clouds gave a crimson touch to it. I felt that even the wind became more and more uneasy. I thought to go inside before the rain actually gets me all drenched up. I came back to my bed…gave another shot at sleep…but the pillow was becoming damp coz of the sweat and at the same time it was becoming difficult for me to get a drier part of pillow. I was very tired because of the research work that I was undertaking and the amount of overtime that I was dedicating in the recent past…hence I finally gave in and didn’t realize when I actually fell asleep.

The window just next to the bed started banging against the frame and the window glass was making a shattering noise. I hurriedly got up to close it…but was shocked of what I saw outside. Neither it was raining nor the wind was fast (Sarcasm)… it was actually a S-T-O-R-M. Though it was very dark, I was able to make out metal sheets from roofs of houses blowing away with the wind…the trees were terribly rattled and the squall even caused a few of them to kiss the ground. It was a terrible sight as if something was about to happen. I closed the window and had a glass of water.

A fluorescent blue light was blinking at the right top corner of my so called smartphone…it suggested an unattended message or call. I picked it up, to check who it was. It was an unread message from ‘the Big Bang’ on my ‘WeChat’ messenger which I recently downloaded from the app market. Annoyed…I tried to find out who it was. Contrary to what the weather was implying, it was actually ‘Mr. Stephen Hawking’. I was way too happy to be called sane at that moment…was excited beyond imagination. The message said, “I have gone through your research work and would like to share some things with you…which might actually help you in the book that you are coming up with”. He continued, “The big bang is my signature and please use this only while you are making any conversation with me and it will better for you if you use something like this”. I replied, “sir from this point onwards I’ll be using ‘The Joker’ as my signature”. He simply replied, “ 😀 😀 :D”.

He immediately got busy and straightway went to the business. (Now onwards I’ll write the conversation as it happened on the WeChat messenger).

The big bang: I have a new device which uses a certain kind of technology which the world is yet to see or hear. With the use of this we can talk to people from past and they can talk to us in return and we will use this WeChat messenger as an interface to hear what they have to say. Today is the perfect weather for us to use the application.

The Joker: (Wiping off the sweat off my forehead) Awesome!!! Great application sir, but why would you tell me about this technology and help me with my research?

The Big Bang: I have seen your work and whatever you are doing with ‘Adam’s Bridge’, I actually want to know the truth. I am really impressed with your work as it gives an ‘Alien Edge’ to the whole thing and I don’t think so that anyone has ever thought on these lines. One more thing, stop calling me Sir.

Ref: en.m.wikipedia.org

The Joker: (Trying to control the excitement) Thank You Sirrrr…..sorry sorry…Big Bang.

The Big Bang: I guess the best person with whom we can begin this conversation – in fact without whom my technology wouldn’t have been possible – is the person who was responsible for the ‘theory of relativity’.

The Joker: No need to even mention his name…what’s his signature?

The Big Bang: ‘E=MC^2’…what else…

The Joker: Ohhhh Yeahh!!! My mistake.

The Big Bang: I have sent him a request…let’s wait for him to reply. Joker…you won’t believe when I’ll tell you that I have already conversed with him many times before…the only problem is the weather…we need a storm every time we need to connect.

E=MC^2: Hi Big Bang…what’s up?? Who is this Joker guy who is a part of this conversation? Have you revealed our secret?

The Big Bang: I am perfectly fine E=MC^2…just counting down my final days. This joker guy is doing a research and you will be glad to hear the direction and the focus that he has given to his research. He wants us to help him and I can get some of our friends from the past to help also. Please don’t worry…our secret is totally safe with him…and we actually need someone to carry our baton in the future.

E=MC^2: (To The Big bang) Okay then…if you say so…Hi Joker…how may I be of help to you?

The Joker: (Astonished) Hi… E=MC^2…I cannot express what and how I feel at this moment. I can’t even believe it’s actually real.

E=MC^2: Big Bang…see this is what happens when you bring a new guy to our conversation.

The Joker: I apologize to both of you…I am not doubting anyone here…since I, the joker, has never felt anything like this…that might be one of the reasons.

E=MC^2: Leave it buddy…quickly tell me what you want to discuss before the weather changes and we are disconnected?

The Joker: E=MC^2…I am doing a research on ‘The Adam’s Bridge’ which according to the Hindu mythology is called the Rama’s Bridge or ‘Ram Setu’. During my research I have come across some astounding facts which makes me believe that the way it was built and the technology that was used to build it…didn’t exist then…and to me it occurs as if it got a bit of extraterrestrial help. Since the only person alive who can really help me with this is Big Bang and I really persuaded him hard before he actually showed up today on my messenger.
E=MC^2: I understand what your query is…but I can only help to a certain extent. I guess we need some more people from the past who can really help us out here…and I would like to contact them…what’s say big bang???

The Big Bang: Absolutely E=MC^2…you have all the controls…take it over from here…

E=MC^2: Big bang I think the person who was really a genius according to me and whatever he thought…whatever he suggested…whatever he said…was always ahead of his times…I think he can throw some more light on this extraterrestrial aspect.

The Big Bang: I don’t clearly get it E=MC^2…whom are you talking about?

E=MC^2: Ohhh!! Big Bang…you should have guessed it…Joker…do you have any clues about whom I am talking about???

The Joker: E=MC^2…I have totally lost it…my mind along with my body has totally gone numb…it is actually too much for me…a mere mortal…to handle all this in a single night…you please go ahead and reveal his identity.

E=MC^2: You Dumbos…I was actually talking about the man…the genius…the superhuman…whose signature is ‘The Mona Lisa’. I have already sent him a request to join…he should be replying soon.

After a few minutes…

The Mona Lisa: Hi!!…Everyone…Hope you have not forgotten me…so tell me what is, that requires this common man?

E=MC^2: Common man…hahaha…nice way to introduce yourself…or were you trying to make fun of me and Big bang…because the third one is already a Clown.

The Mona Lisa: E=MC^2…nothing like that…I was just trying to sound modest…I apologize if that sounded offensive…please go ahead with your enquiry…

The Joker: (I interrupted them…I felt this was unnecessary and might take this conversation on another tangent) The Mona Lisa…I wanted to know that, “did you ever encounter any extraterrestrial happening in your life??”… I have closely read about your life…I have gone through it again and again…but there are specifically two years …of which there is no record mentioned anywhere…not even in your own books…I have heard that you went in a cave and didn’t come out of it for those two years. Is it true…because I have a very imperative question regarding the same???

The Mona Lisa: Who are you by the way…and why shall I tell you anything about my life…about which there is nothing known to the outside world leave alone aliens…if possible please come to the direct question that you have in mind and I’ll see to it whether I can of any help or not.

The Joker: Sir, I have a very simple query, it is regarding the ‘The Adam’s Bridge’. I just want to know that whether you have any information regarding the bridge and can you corroborate on whether there was actually some alien help involved?

The Mona Lisa: Son you are trying to fetch too much here…don’t you think so…if I answer this…whether in affirmative or not…I’ll put myself in a kind of spot which I have avoided during my lifetime and will try today also. But I am not totally going to disappoint you. I can get you to the two most important people with whom you can directly put these questions and let’s see whether they themselves help you or not…please give me a moment…

Everything and everyone became quiet…no one said anything and suddenly they appeared…

Unknown: Hi all…since Mona Lisa forced us we are here…we actually don’t need any introduction but for the sake of this messenger and to let everyone know…one of us here has a signature ‘The Lord’ and my signature is, ‘The Ten Heads’. Hope you all would have recognized us with this info only.

The Mona Lisa: Good Evening…The Ten Heads…I hope you will first answer me before answering this lad here…I want to know…that I made a blueprint of an airplane some four hundred years before something like it actually took flight…but there is clear description in the ancient writings found in your country that you had something like it, which was very much capable of taking an aerial route.

E=MC^2: (To The Ten Heads) Sir before you answer that…I have myself read a lot about you and know for sure that you were the most intelligent of all the living beings that ever walked this planet and want you to bless me please…

The Ten Heads: Can you people keep this a bit professional…I have my own question to ask to The Lord…How is ‘Seeta’ buddy??? Hahahahaha

The Lord: (Angrily) Will you ever change…The Ten heads…you know it for sure that this was a below the belt kind of blow…I think the thrashing that I gave you was not good enough for you…

I knew that this was getting out of hand and I had to intervene before it is actually too late and I might never get a second opportunity at this…

The Joker: Could you all please shut up and focus to my problem and the question I actually put up in the beginning…

Everyone was silent for a moment…

The Lord: Yeah!! son…go ahead…shoot your query…

The Joker: Hey!! Lord…Please answer, whether you answer it in yes or no, but please do answer…‘The Ram Setu’…or the bridge that you built…was it actually built by you or did you actually receive some alien help…please answer it…my whole life’s work is based on it…

The Lord: Do you really want me to answer that…because there is thousand years of history that is on stake here…there are belief of billions which will shatter and I am sorry to say my friend…but then the whole concept of God will be fake and no one will believe in us…no one…

The Joker: Sir please go ahead…please…and answer it….

The Lord: OK then…here it is…What do you think who we are…how we got those special powers…how we were able to do stuff which nobody else could…and the real answer is…

Ref: yousigma.com

Ref: yousigma.com

And just as he was about to answer it the Storm stopped…the sky got cleared and I got disconnected to everyone without even getting to know the correct answer. Whatever the correct answer may be…I’ll never come to know the truth…and neither will anyone else…
My research which was already very complex…critical…and Confusing became more so in all the three aspects.

Note: All the names and character that I have used in this particular blog are just for the fictional purpose of writing this blog. I do not intend to hurt any individuals or community’s feelings or sentiments.

Here is a link to WeChat’s youtube channel WeChat Youtube Channel

For all those who believe in Aliens,

For all those who don’t believe in them,

For all those who use WeChat,

For all those who love all the characters used,

And

For all those who believe that the Aliens exist…

It’s not a GoodBye…

But it’s a GOOD BYE

Manas ‘SAMEER’ Mukul

WeChat

WeChat

This post is part of the WeChat with Anyone Anywhere Contest in association with Indiblogger.

12

HELL in the Midst of HEAVEN…


HELL in the Midst of HEAVEN

I was in one of the longest queue, to get my emigration check done at the Dubai airport. The guy standing in front of me was on the same flight i was. He was traveling from Lucknow. By the looks of it, one could easily make out that he was a person with limited resources. He was wearing pretty ordinary clothes, everyday slippers and was carrying a bag with patches stitched to two places. While I was still in the queue, he went to get some currency exchanged, from rupees to dirhams. He just had Rs 1000 as cash. When he returned…he returned with two things… only 67 dirhams…and ‘moist eyes’. He could have easily survived ten days in India with that money. I guess this was the first snapshot of the ‘Hell’ that he was about to witness in Dubai. In fact this was just the beginning. Even before he could have counted that money, he will be paying for the Taxi at Dubai airport which shockingly starts from 21 dirhams as compared to the regular fare of 3 dirhams. The realization of this fact…the money in his hand…his condition…and his coming future…made my heart sink. I really felt for that guy…but accepted the reality with a huge lump in my throat.

Sheikh Mohammad saw a dream…he had a vision to convert Dubai from a land covered with sand from end to end to a land with the best n best of everything…from swankiest buildings to spectacular infrastructure…from the tallest structure to the manmade islands. It all started some four decades back with little trade on the water body in the middle, known as the ‘Creek’. The tallest building of the world, Burj Khalifa or the manmade island, The Palm or the only seven star hotel of the world, Burj-Al-Arab…speak volumes for his accomplishment and how much he has actually achieved. His victory was that he converted every grain of sand into gold…and that too without using his own money. He has made Dubai one of the most preferred shopping destinations of the world, the biggest of the tourist destinations. Contrary to the belief, Dubai is rarest of the cities in the gulf region which do not survive on the oil. In fact tourism is the biggest contributors to its economy with oil only contributing about 10%. For an onlooker, Dubai is for sure a Heaven…but if there is Heaven…there is bound to be Hell.

The Hell has slowly but surely embarked on its journey to Engulf the Heaven. The beautiful skyline is beginning to crack under debt, ecological imbalance and above all slavery. No one ever thought that the frantic development which rode on the back of huge credits, the same thing which is the hallmark of Dubai, will be the one which will begin the erosion of their foundations. The roads once witnessed construction on both the sides at frenzy pace… now; they simply stare at abandoned half-finished buildings which cannot be completed under the current economic scenario. Frankly speaking, if Abu Dhabi wouldn’t have rescued Dubai financially…it would have collapsed long ago. Sheikh Khalifa (of Abu Dhabi) did make Dubai pay for this. Burj Khalifa was supposed to be named as ‘Burj Dubai’ but on the day of inauguration by Sheikh Khalifa…it was named Burj Khalifa…and Abu Dhabi blemished Dubai forever.

If God ever took a stroll down the lanes of Dubai…he would surely have a smirk on his face. He would have laughed at the mockery that Dubai has done to his ecological system. Plastic trees…Artificial grass…Bird sanctuary accompanied by a lake…they have made everything in a place…which was and is supposed to be a DESERT. Somehow, a place which doesn’t have a single drop of drinkable water, naturally…has enough to sprinkle it all day long on the simulated greenery. It’s like playing a game with God, in which he is the best and confronting him…head-on. And irony is…everybody knows who is going to win.

Today anyone who’s been to Dubai…has seen the so called eighth wonder of the world, Burj Khalifa and many of them know that about 12000 labors worked at the peak of construction but only a handful know what happens to those labors after they leave the construction site. These labors are stacked up and stuffed like animals into small barracks on the periphery of the city. These barracks do not have adequate drinking water, no electricity…leave alone proper ventilation and sanitation. As soon as these labors, who fly usually from subcontinent,… land…their passports and other documents are immediately confiscated by their employers…giving them no alternative to walk off. Once a labor said, “I have not urinated in three days due to lack of fluids in the body after working in the extreme conditions and tremendous heat and then staying in those barracks which at the best has the salty sea water to offer.”

Then there are all kinds of laws…which can make any person go insane. There are people who have been staying in the parking of airport just because they lost their job and the visa was cancelled by the employer without even providing any kind of monetary support. In one of the articles I read, there is a woman who stays in one such parking because her husband was arrested as he could not repay the loan and her visa too was cancelled…leaving her stranded in Dubai. There was a recent incident where a blogger wrote such kind of stuff against the officials…the blog became popular and he was taken into custody. I guess that’s the reason why I am writing this after leaving Dubai.

It’s not that I am trying to highlight the negatives only…there are positives too. For example; Dubai is the biggest live example of Globalization with only 7% of local population, the cheap electronic items that one can buy, the most amazing of shopping festivals that the city offers and the list goes on n on. But somehow I feel the positives are less yet visible…and the negatives are far too many…yet ignored.

The irony is that people do not want to know all these things…and even if they know…they tend to look the other way…without giving it a single thought. Everyone tries to hide behind the glitz and glamour of the city that never sleeps… no one dares to step out in the Sun ‘n’ Sand and face the harsh realities of Slavery and Suppression.

For all those who have been to Dubai,

For all those who love Dubai,

For all those who hate Dubai,

For all those who like the sand,

For all those who hate such ideologies,

For all those who ignore such facts

And

For all those who aren’t ignorant enough

It’s not a GoodBye,

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han do visit Dubai once in your lifetime.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

7

With Love, From Russia…

With Love, from Russia…

This story takes place in August 2012…

It was a usual hot and humid august day…but for some reason was one of the most important days of my life…frankly speaking, would turn out to be THE most important of them all. I was standing at the IGI airport, at the ‘Arrivals’. She pinged me last night to tell that she’ll reach by 2 pm IST. In the excitement of meeting her…just having a glance of her…I reached there about 2 hours in advance. She was traveling from Russia. It flashed on the screens, her flight arrived. The time it took for her to collect her baggage and come out, seemed like ages. I was getting more n more curious… to meet my LOVE in person for the FIRST time (yes it’s true, I was yet to meet her…and was already in love with her).

The sun was scorching that day with no breeze at all. I was sweating profusely and my shirt was completely soaked, the shirt for which it took me about a month to decide. She finally arrived (alone). The first sight of her…made all the sweat, heat and sun disappear…atleast I felt so. She ‘outshone’ the sun. Everything seemed to me as a scene from a Bollywood movie…where everything in the background becomes still…there is wind everywhere and suddenly the angry red faced sun becomes a cute and pleasant smiley.

She was the most amazingly beautiful person I had ever seen. Her green eyes had great depth in them…were as calm as an ocean…her face was as soothing as a mother’s hug. She was the superlative form of beauty, if ever there was. She was as hot as a Lara Croft and with her stunning looks…my hard pounding heart had to keep on reminding me that I was still alive. She saw me and started walking towards me…I guess my baldness helped her find me in the crowd 😉 . I tried my best to look presentable enough with all the possible accessories that I could have put on.

About 10 months back…

I was going through a very dull phase in my life. My Ex had kicked me out of her life 2 years back…no job…no motivation…something prompted me to pursue MBA. My life was slowly but surely becoming pathetic. During the late 2010 I started a blog and started posting whatever stuff I possibly could, just to give me momentary happiness. I knew that I won’t be able to go to people and speak about stuff…so what better way than a blog. I am not being immodest but the blog brought me a bit of fan following too. I started interacting with people whom I never met. It even drew a lot of female attention 😉 .

One day I received an email from twitter saying that ‘Someone’ has started following you. The name was interesting enough for me to go and check her profile. She was from Russia…which got me curious and as normal Indian boy (of 25) would do, went on to check her profile on facebook…she had an awesome profile pic…messaged her…sent her a friend request. To my surprise, she accepted my request and pinged me. This is how it all started. The first thing which I noticed on her profile was that she was above 30…but that was not good enough to deter me.

We chatted and chatted and chatted. I felt …or I should say we felt that there was a ‘Spark’. We got to know each other better. The first shock came to me when she told me, that she was divorced…we still chatted. The second one was…she has a kid…I guess that should have been good enough to put me off but that wasn’t. I don’t know when we became addicted to each other. If she wasn’t busy…me as usual always free…and there was internet around…we were hooked on to each other. Whether it was 11 pm in Russia or 4 am in Dubai or 12 noon in India, if it was possible we were together (online). I must take this opportunity to really appreciate her how she put up with me. There were days also when she tried to push me away because of her age, her past or her kid…but the more I got to know of her…I was becoming more and more, Sure of her. She told me that she’ll be visiting India in August and then we will meet. I told her; let’s keep this ‘Spark’ thing going…and when we meet in August we’ll see where it leads us to. I even told her that I have already discussed about you with my mom and sister…and they both are pretty cool about it. She agreed to meet in August.

The present…

It was the third day of her stay inIndia…it was her birthday. I took her out…showed some places around…went from roadside stalls…to malls…from crowded markets to secluded temples. Finally after having a lavish dinner (let me boast a little…it was one of the most expensive dinners that I ever bought) we went to her hotel. We ordered dessert and were busy discussing the day. As we already had the dinner, I made it sure that we have a candle light dessert 😉 .

I moved close to her…took her hand in my hand…kissed on her forehead…went on my knee…looked straight in her eyes…and said…I would love to LOVE and take care of PIP and YOU for the rest of my life. Her green eyes became moist…we hugged…she kissed me…there were tears and cheers at the same time. Her touch insisted…and we made love. I remember in one of her chats she mentioned,” I make love…not sex”, and I guess she was now in LOVE with me.

For all those who are married,

For all those who want to get married,

For all those who will never get married,

And

For all those who have found their soul mates,

It’s not a Goodbye,

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han this might be the futuristic story of my marriage 😉 .

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

21

THE FIRST 100 KISSES…

THE FIRST 100 KISSES… 

I offered her water because to my surprise it was more than 6 hours that she last had it. We (Paplu, She and me) were traveling from Ghaziabad in Gomti Express. Kanpur arrived… Paplu left …aur meri Fattee. I was left high and dry with the daunting task of taking her to my place and from there helping her to reach Varanasi (her home). I was beginning to feel numb and was getting deprived of any new thoughts. So I again offered her water…which saw the same fate as my last attempt. I couldn’t resist the temptation…and asked her… why was she avoiding any fluids and that too for so long? Initially she avoided by looking outside the window of the coach but I persisted. She finally replied, “Haven’t you seen ads on TV?” I know you didn’t get this one…actually I; on the first place was left clueless, what was she talking about?

She sensed it… and decrypted it by saying,” Haven’t you seen ads on TV related ‘only’ to girls?” Now here was my clue… and this time it didn’t take me so much time to understand that this was ‘that time of the month’ for her. “I am without any protection”, she exclaimed. I was left dumbstruck… since we were just acquaintances from college…not even friends… and for the first time in my life…a girl was conversing with me on such an intimate subject. I did not utter a single word till we reached Lucknow. She requested,” we will get down once everyone in the coach has left. I tried to guess her mental state and hence complied with what she said. She took the big bag by herself and asked me to walk just behind her and……not to look ‘there’.

We reached home around 1 30 am and to my surprise…my father and sister were still awake. I signaled 😉 to my sister to behave as if it was my custom to bring girls to my place at this time of the night. I could sense my father’s emotions and sentiments…but really appreciate the way they welcomed her. After dinner everyone went off to sleep… at least everyone pretended to.

The next morning my father left early for office, she was still fast asleep. At 11:00 am my sister’s friend came over…by this time Ma’am was awake and had had her breakfast. I was sitting in the TV room…fiddling with the remote…preoccupied with thoughts of yesterday’s events…what would be going through my father’s mind…what my sister would be thinking of me n all. Right then…Ms ‘unprotected’ came to the room and sat on the other side of the bed. Because of what happened a day ago…I could say that we were now friends. Suddenly, she crawls across the bed…sits right next…close to me… too close for comfort. Out of the blue she questioned,” Manas!! What is the difference between a Kiss and a Smooch?” (You should have seen my expression 😀 :D)

A guy with no prior experience of ‘any’ kind with a girl was asked such a question. Expressionless…I stammered, “Have you seen the movie Black? What Amitabh does to Rani was a smooch and the rests are classified as kisses.” Ma’am was far from satisfied. She leant forward…kept her head on the pillow in my lap…facing me…whispered, “Karke batao”. I simply FROZZZZZZE. Failing to come up with the next move, I got up and left the room…and the house.

I returned in an hour or so and straightway went to the computer room on the first floor. Ma’am came to the room, accompanied by my sister. As soon as I saw her, I said, “The bus to Varanasi leaves in 2 hours…please be ready”. My sister left and went to the kitchen. ‘The Ghost of kissing’ came back to life once again. More desperate this time, she kept on insisting…I lost my temper…slapped her right across her face (not joking). She started weeping uncontrollably. I was in a muddled situation…with my sister downstairs…a girl weeping in my room…what will my sister make of this scene…I was beginning to fear the worse…and that is when I decided to give in.

I was getting ready for my ‘SEMI CONSENSUAL RAPE’ (I coined this term especially for this) … moving backwards…finding no more space to go…stood upright against the wall…closed my eyes…tight…and muttered, “Ek karlo…Jaldi se”. She came within an inch of me…so close that I was able to feel her breathe…my eyes still closed…she took my face in her hands…and slowly planted a kiss on my lips…before sliding her tongue. I instantly came back to my senses…eyes wide open…pushed her back. There was no stopping her…Ms ‘Puchhi’ was far from over; she pushed me to the bed…pounced on me…tasting and salivating…my lips…tongue…ears…and face…as if I was a piece of ‘Black Forest’. I was beginning to realize that it actually was not bad…a sexy, sultry gal was busy licking me (my face 😉 ) and I was feeling guilty … feeling sorry for no reason.

The time was right for her to put the final nail in the coffin. For a brief…we parted…she didn’t take a second and dropped the hydrogen bomb… I love… … Mr. A. I, on the other hand who was still gasping for breathe, being so naïve in those days, couldn’t understand what all was happening. The covetousness in her was yet not satisfied and before I could have got hold of the situation…she resumed to her wild and passionate ways. Realizing that we won’t be able to be like this in college, she said, “Let me make it up for you for the coming four years…we will complete a century”. Returning back to the business…she started kissing…and I was counting 😉 and we kissed A HUNDRED TIMES.

We boarded the bus from Lucknow bus station to Varanasi. In a way it became my obligation to drop her safely to her home…the one who gave me my FIRST KISS. She even went on to saying that, “Mere Solah Somwar ke vrat Tumhare nam”…and being the chu*** that I was…I actually believed her. Once the college re-opened she simply ignored me….never ever spoke to me…except for the time when she came to tell me that we don’t have a future. Within three days…I went from being accepted…to being loved and kissed by someone…just to be left SHATTERED.

For all those who have been kissed,

For all those who have kissed,

For all those who were betrayed,

For all those who were left shattered

And

For all those who were kissed a hundred times…

It’s not a GOODBYE…

But it’s a GOOD BYE…aur han a few years later she did apologize to me for my semi consensual rape.

MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL

10

The ‘GHARHI’ INCIDENT – Incomplete Friendship Part -2

The Gharhi Incident – Incomplete Friendship Part-2

City Montessori school was a place where you could find , if not all, most of the beautiful gals in Lucknow, One reason why I was always thankful to my parents for sending me to the Temple of Knowledge, for there were numerous Deity’s to whom I wanted to bow down. Well actually what I wanted was more, coz they seemed really hot to me then and somehow these girls have managed to become hotter now. Well any ways the point was there was too much of challenge for one to have kept sane. The already struggling minds of adolescent were thrown more obstacles everyday.

The hero of our story is a guy with geeky looks, low confidence, hesitant and reserved. The type who thought they were smart and intelligent but the truth was known to the world in a better way. However he was considered genuine and decent, unlike me, by all. Let’s give him a name, Mr. Decent….actually this name was given to him by our physics teacher, Leena Ma’am.

Mr. Decent then was a student of CMS. So unable to cope up with the daily conflict, our hero reconciled, by our support, that he was in Love with one of the most powerful and admired deity of our class, Ms. BPL….can’t mention the real name (on special request by her)…frankly speaking after I coined this name many of the admirers never came to know her real name…and this became the household name for us all. The name itself has a story to it. One day she suffered from ‘Low Blood Pressure’ and hence the name BPL was coined (akhir kuch to code word rakhna tha….nahi to bahut mar padti 😉 ).

Ms. BPL…..ohhhh ab kya bataein inke bare me…..her hair were ‘boy cut’ then….or a ‘wedge cut’ as she pointed out to me this morning, it were golden brown. Well to be very honest its today that I find myself comfortable conversing with her but back in those days I found orating in front of 500 people easier. She was beautiful but it was her smartness that blew people’s minds often. But for Mr. Decent it was always like she stood with a HALO as if an angel from Indra’s kitty. Her skin was flawless, Silvery with every mole in the right place. I’m sure every time He saw her, his heart sang…. ‘chandi jaisa rang hai tera sone jaise bal…’. She was always drenched in excessive attitude which was flaunted by her killer looks….which made some of us grumble….,  “apne ap ko Ms.India samjhati hai kya???” Her smartly fitting shirt….knee length skirt and the list goes on n on…

And the fate unfolds.

CMS made it compulsory for everyone to take part in extra co-curricular and we were always game for it. It was one such event at the Sahara City and we (Mr. Decent, Ms. BPL and of course ME etc etc) were part of the ‘Bhartiyam team’. Mr. Decent approached me and expressed his desire to speak to her. Me being the expert in the subject instantly agreed to help. I told him to wait for my signal.

After one of the practice sessions I asked Mr. Decent to hand over his watch to me and go to Ms. BPL to ask for time and this way he can crack a conversation (ab saala us samay yahi sab ideas aate the… 😀 ). His desperation got the better of him. He immediately snatched his watch off his wrist and handed to me. I waited for her to be alone and as soon as she was…..i gave the Thumbs Up to Decency. He like an obedient follower obeyed my instructions….step by step, brimming with confidence…or I should say Overconfidence, he moved towards her. One final glance he gave to me and this time I had my both Thumbs UP.

Mr. Decent (mesmerized): Hi…eeeeee….excuse me…..

Ms. BPL (attitude overflowing): han …. Kya hai???

Mr. Decent (taken aback by her cruel affection): mmmmmm…wwwww…what’s the time???

Ms. BPL (thinking): Tumhara to acha nahi lag raha…

TABHI…..hum prakat hote hai (I appear)

Me (with a smirk): abe Decency tum apni gharhi mujhe deke kyu aaye ho mere bhai…

Me (looking towards Ms. BPL): kahi ye tumse time poochne to nahi aaya????

Mr. Decent’s face became pale…..yellow…..n then what all happened can’t be mentioned here…..

But on a serious note his crush, infatuation, genuine liking or LOVE (I don’t know what it was) grew over the years for her….and I guess still carries with him. Hope she understands it one day. I can today just say, “I am sorry bro”.

For all those who were my classmates,

For all those who were schoolmates,

For all those who gave nicknames to girls,

For all those whose crushes were crushed,

For all those who had a AH friend like me,

And

For all those who still carry there childhood love….

It’s not a GOODBYE,

But it’s a GOOD BYE…..aur han HAPPY BIRTHDAY (10th june) Mr. DECENT.

Manas ‘SAMEER’ Mukul.